Hospital Notes

Today I read E’s hospital notes and they almost say more about my state than his. Obviously I have been far too worried about my baby. I wish I could be different but I just want him to be bigger/better and at home. I wonder if they know I am reading the notes. I am tempted to add to them saying how handsome and clever E is. Nah, my writing is too neat, they will know it's not from the doctor although I am sure that they will agree with the sentiment.

We had along kangaroo cuddle today and as always that is just heavenly. It feels so good to hold my baby, so natural and so right – I wish I could do it all the time.

He had another little “posset” today and just before that he seemed most distressed and angry. I guess I would be too if I was just about to throw up, nonetheless it freaks me to see him cry.

A pregnant friend of mine came to see E today. It is weird to imagine that she has a baby E’s size in her tummy and even odder to think that we should be having our babies at the same time and in fact I have already been a mom for two weeks. Older - yes, more experienced - maybe, calmer - no.