Hard to recall what you do when you get NO sleep

Monday 23 July 2001
I have stopped sleeping properly during the day so I take 15 minute catnaps occasionally and am a ratty baby at times. Hopefully this is just a fad I am experiencing.

Today I went with mum to gym again, she still does not get that I am not enjoying it at all. Anyway we compromise and she does half the class and cuddles me the other half – win win if you ask me.

In the afternoon we went to cheer my cousin on after her first day at school. I stayed out till dark again – not too late it is just this silly winter season that makes it so dark so early – maybe I will sleep a lot tonight.  Mum is holding her thumbs so hard they are turning purple.

Tuesday 24 July 2001
I tasted pears today and let me just say that I am not too fussed about them at all.  In fact I am not as into this solid food as I thought I might be to start but we will continue to persevere.

I am definitely getting over my 5’o clock aversion and am a much happier baby at about that time although my parents still keep insisting on putting me to bed early.  I am now waking at about 9pm every night where I used to wake at 11pm.  This is just to show them that I can go longer without sleep but they still do not believe me.  I am still not sleeping well at night and mummy is going a bit stir crazy!

Wednesday 25 July 2001
If you ever need to make my dad smile just smile and talk to him early in the morning – it works for me. Every morning I have taken to chatting to my parents in their room when I go in in the morning and they just love it.  Dad laughs hysterically and then they cover me with kisses.  Quite a good morning routine.  

This morning for my morning sleep mummy put me in my cot wide awake and I fall asleep all on my own.  Mum was very impressed!

I was very unsettled tonight.  I had a real hard time falling and staying asleep.  I think it is those pears mom is making me eat. 

Thursday 26 July 2001
Today I found my voice in all its glory. I have been jabbering away all day very cutely. Mum is having lots of fun listening to me and as usual dad is just besotted.  

Today I had my horrible capsule returned and can now sit in the car in comfort.  At long last my parents have had the good sense to have my own car seat fitted and I am very grateful.  I still screamed in the car today but mummy said that she could see that I was a lot more comfortable.  

I am in a very good mood today – maybe it is because mom has not given me any pears today.  I heard her say that tomorrow she is going to give me apple.  Maybe that will be better.

This afternoon mum put me down in my cot awake again and I put myself to sleep and then the most amazing thing happened.  Mummy went upstairs to “spellcheck” my diary and I woke up after 15 minutes of sleep and mum had the gall to ignore me.  Granted I was not screaming but I was whinging.  Anyway she left me for about 2 whole minutes and I got so pissed off I went straight back to sleep.  For some reason mum is overjoyed with me she thinks it is some kind of great skill to put yourself to sleep.

Friday 27 July 2001
This afternoon we went to visit Karen in the pouring rain (I heard mum saying something about cabin fever and staying indoors).  On the way home mum was so busy listening to me shriek in the car that she reversed out of the driveway into the car behind her. I was unphased because I never felt a thing but I carried on screaming nonetheless.

I am having great fun eating my hands and making huge amounts ofsaliva. Mum keeps thinking I am hungry but I urged her to read all her books and see that it is just a developmental thing. I am progressing along just as I should and that involves a lot of fist sucking. She did try and feed me apple but I am really just playing with the food – I am not 100% sure of what she wants me to do with it although I admire all her attempts to put it into my mouth.

Saturday 28 July 2001
The weather is abysmal so today we just stayed at home indoors.  We played a lot and mum and dad tried to space my feeds strictly and get me to have short naps all in the hope that I would sleep well tonight.  They just do not understand that I do not want to sleep at night (unless I am in mummy’s arms).  We had a good day all in all but as I predicted the trick did not work and I am still “the world’s worst sleeper”.

Mummy had a little panic today because I have a blood blister on my right hand.  She was so nervous and scared that it meant something bad was wrong with me that my uncle had to do a house call.  He said that it was indeed a blood blister but it was nothing to worry about.  I must have got my hand caught in something without realising it.  It sure is good to have a doctor in the family.

Sunday 29 July 2001
Tonight was another horrific night where I woke up every hour or so.  I tell you I think I can see mum ageing as I type.

Monday 30 July 2001
Today mum and I spent the day with my cousins.  We walked down to the beach and it was a lovely day.  I looked at the sea and I lay on a mat on the grass and took the fresh air in.  We had fun except for every time that mummy put me in the car I screamed blue murder – I think I have put my cousin off playing with me.  I am sure that he never thought such a small baby could scream so loud.  As predicted I did sleep most of the day and as I type this entry I am just revving up for tonight!!!!

Tuesday 31 July 2001
I have quite forgotten what we did today so I assume that it was nothing relevant.  Just as cute and wonderful as ever.  Funny all I can hear ringing in my ears is my mother's voice saying "There is no harm in a child crying; the harm is done if his cries are not answered"

Rice Cereal - Surely there has to be something tastier than rice cereal

Monday 16 July 2001
Mummy is still trying to force me to take a bottle and I am still refusing. Added to which I am being abysmal at nights. Mummy thought all these problems warranted a trip to the clinic sister so off we went. As I predicted it was no use, the clinic sister said that mummy cannot force me to take a bottle she can just offer it to me and if I take it well and good but if I don’t then I don’t! She also said that she knows no tricks for getting me to sleep longer so mum must just continue to get up all night. I saw mummy’s face go pale at the thought but she put up a brave front.

Tuesday 17 July 2001
What a great day. I spent all day “babysitting” my cousins. They came over to my house in the morning and we watched mummy and daddy’s wedding video and looked at photos of when my cousins were babies. Actually I slept through all these activities but if I were awake I would have joined in. After the video, when I woke up, we went out and I slept again. I could hear mum secretly wishing that this sleeping behaviour would carry through to the night time.

When we got home N came with us and her and mum did a concert for me. It was very groovy but it may account for the fact that I did not sleep at all well during the night. Every hour I woke grumbling and complaining (they do not hold a tune very well).

Wednesday 18 July 2001
I tasted food off a spoon today!!! Mummy has decided that I am very hungry. I am feeding off her furiously and she is worried that I am still hungry so today she got it into her head that I needed to start solids. We bought rice cereal and a brand new spoon and everything and while I would not say that I ate a spoonful or anywhere close to it, a millilitre or so of rice cereal happened into my mouth and I may or may not have swallowed it.

Daddy was a bit concerned that we had not okayed this introduction of solids with Dr C so I think that it has come to a crashing halt until we check with him but I think I kind of like the idea of eating real food.

Thursday 19 July 2001
I took the teeniest, tiniest sip from my bottle today. I don’t think it is as big a deal as mummy would have you think but there you are! It is not like I am thinking of doing it again in a hurry.

Friday 20 July 2001
Fridays are days that we usually spend shopping and preparing dinner but today mummy took a few shortcuts and instead of all that boring shopping and cooking we got to play with Rene and even to go to Karen’s house to wish her happy birthday! We still got dinner together and again my whole family ate a lovely Shabbas dinner while I slept soundly in my cot.

I heard mummy say that she is feeling a bit haggard because all I want to do is eat. She is really difficult – first she complains that I don’t eat and then she complains that I eat too much! Because she was so frustrated about my hunger I got to eat off a spoon again. I am really much better with that than with the bottle and daddy has now agreed that it is okay because my uncle says that it is okay (and he is a doctor). Just wait till we tell Dr C! Anyway I am quite good at this spoon thing although I am really not swallowing much more than a millilitre or so. I know that all the books say that it is a myth but I am also sleeping a bit better since mummy has been feeding me solids so now I wake up after 4 hours at night until 3am and then I still wake up every hour.

Saturday 21 July 2001
I escaped the Saturdays today (well almost all day). I was in a much better mood than I generally am on a Saturday and I impressed my dad so much he could not stop raving about me.

We went shopping and when I was not sleeping in my pram I sat upright in it like a real little boy. This was the first time that mum had been game enough to seat me like this and I had such fun. I could watch the whole world go by and I loved it.

After shopping we went to friends for tea, I think that my parents were kidding making me have such a long day. The drive to the friends was fraught with tears and screaming but that was nothing compared to the drive home from them. After a very nice tea and a long snooze in mum’s arms we drove home from North Bondi and I screamed the entire way home. I screamed so much that I vomited and even as I write this I have ringing in my ears from the noise that I made!!! I don’t think my parents will be game to keep me out the whole day ever again – well at least not until I’m 18.

I ate my rice cereal very well which ensured that I had a reasonable sleep and so I think my parents will continue to feed me solids. Yummmm.

Sunday 22 July 2001
Daddy had to go to a conference today so mum and I spent the day together again. The weather was rainy and miserable and so after one short trip to the shops we stayed indoors near the heater. Granny came for lunch and I tried to show her how I eat my solids but I was really not feeling that hungry for them.

In the night, after my bath, granny phoned to tell us some terrible news. Her mother, my great grandmother had died. Mummy wrapped me up very warmly and I had my first real night time outing. We went to granny’s house to try and comfort her and make her feel better. She was very sad but I do think that I managed to perk her up a tiny bit. I slept in mum’s arms after my attempt at cheering her up and we went home about an hour later. Even though I went to bed so much later I still woke up at exactly the same times in the night. Uncanny really how I can’t get to sleep through the night.


Technically 5 months but 3 months corrected and I weigh 3.720kg

Tuesday 10 July 2001

Big day out again. After very little sleep mum organised me to go off to Dr C. I am getting so used to this drill I think I might start going by myself and leaving neurotic mum at home. Dr C is very happy with my weight although mummy was a bit disappointed. He also said that I am looking just like a 3 month old baby (not weight-wise of course but in actions) and that is just brilliant. I must admit that I did show off for him a bit. I gurgled and played with my hands and showed him how I have mastered fist sucking. I even smiled at him when he was examining me. He says that we only need to go back and see him in 4 weeks time but mummy said that she would be happier with 3. I tell you she doesn’t give me much time to put on weight.

After Dr C we went to playgroup at the NCC and mommy did a total freak out. I am still the smallest baby there and even tiny Jacob, who is younger than me I might add, is heavier than me. Mummy is becoming a little worried but the physiotherapist and Dr C both stressed that I am doing really well.

Wednesday 13 July 2001

Mummy’s neurosis led me to the doctor again today. This time I went to a GP that mummy loves. She was really nice, she told mummy that I am healthy and gorgeous and I will put on weight eventually. Mummy had decided that we better get a second opinion because she was so worried that there might be something wrong with me because I weigh so little. The doctor said that my eyes were sparkling, my skin colour was good and that I am bright and alert and if there was something wrong then all that would not be so. Also my uncle S who is a doctor told mummy the same thing and he pointed out that my height and my head circumference were both in the normal range for my age and it was just my weight that was lacking.

The GP suggested that I try some formula in a bottle to try and stack on the weight. We will see about that one.

I went to play at Cade’s house today and I was charming and delightful!! Full of smiles and just the cutest boy around.

Thursday 12 July 2001

Mum keeps trying to give me formula in a bottle. Can’t someone tell her that I don’t want a bottle. I just don’t know what to do with it once it is in my mouth and then that milk comes out and dribbles down my chin and I am at a loss as to how this is meant to fatten me up.

Today we went out for lunch with my cousins and their parents. I slept through it and awoke at the end screaming terribly. Mummy raced me off home at the speed of light!!!

Friday 13 July 2001

Today I really made my parents proud. I am now able to swipe at my toys deliberately every time – yet another developmental milestone under my belt. I also slept in my pram when we went for a walk and I was not even wrapped – I am really getting control over my arms.

I had a great day today, for some reason I was in a really good mood and I just enjoyed my day. I sat in my rocker in the kitchen and I helped mum unpack groceries and cook dinner. Then when mum went to the dermatologist my aunt and cousin babysat me and although I was fast asleep I could sense that they were looking after me and that was very cool.

Today my granny in South Africa sent mummy an email and she said that she was a very tiny little girl when she was younger and her mummy was also anxious but my mummy told me that now granny is just a perfect size also my other aunt told mummy that the biggest person we know only started to get big when he was 14 so there is plenty of time for me.

Saturday 14 July 2001

I seem to have a bad case of the “Saturdays” which is very similar to the 5 o’clocks only it lasts the whole day. I had a very unsettled and unhappy day. I did not sleep properly all day and was just not at one with myself.

Mum and dad tried all sorts of interesting activities with me but it only made me more tired. We met Jake and his parents at Fox Studios for lunch and we ambled about the market but I insisted that we go home before we had too much fun. I know mum and dad get frustrated with these days but I like to keep them on their toes.

Sunday 15 July 2001

I am sure that anyone would agree that my terrible behaviour yesterday was well worth the reward today. This morning I was playing with mum and dad on their bed and mum was giving me kisses on my tummy and I started to laugh. Now ordinarily I smile a lot and I make gorgeous cooing baby noises but today I actually laughed out loud for the very first time. Mum and dad were so pleased and so happy that they laughed and laughed and laughed and mum had to stop kissing my tummy because she was laughing so much.

The parents then ruined the whole day by making me go on a picnic in bad, windy weather. I was excited at the prospect of seeing my aunts and cousins and sharing some time together but why they had to take me out in the cold I don’t know. Mum had bragged about my laugh to her sisters and she was eager to show them how it sounded but instead I screamed and shouted and mum and dad had a terrible time and could not even sit down and eat their lovely picnic lunch. In fact I shouted so much that after half an hour mum got the message (a bit slow) and her and dad took me home where I was instantly happy – it was not at all cold or windy inside our house.

I think I will wake up every hour tonight just to make sue that they remember I am boss. Little outings like this make me think their memories are slipping! 

The week I found my fingers

Tuesday 3 July 2001

Today I discovered my fists and what fun they are to suck.  Mmmmm.  My day was mainly spent trying to get my fist into my mouth while dodging all food and wrappings that mum tried to give me.  I think I was quite successful although mum did get a bit edgy that I wouldn’t eat.

We went shopping with my cousins and aunt and I was in the Baby Bjorn and that was cool because I could just suck my hand and mom would not try and wrap me.  I was in no mood to sleep last night and I was just feeling a bit off colour with everything.  I think all this excitement of the cousins etc is getting to me, that and finding my fists – it is a lot for a small boy like myself to handle.

Wednesday 4 July 2001

Today I hosted playgroup at my house.  It was a small one really just two other kids and myself but we had fun and they all loved my toys.  (I mostly slept through it but I imagine that it was fun)

Mummy is a bit tired as I still insist on waking at 5am every day.  There is nothing better than being awake before the sun rises!

Thursday 5 July 2001

Mum and I went on a long walk to Coogee Beach this morning at about 7am.  It is all very well that mum goes on about how beautiful the beach is and how tranquil and calming the sea is, I am in my pram and I can’t see a thing from in there.  I can’t wait to be big enough to face forward and sit up in my pram then I will finally get what mum sees in all these long walks.

After the walk we went to the shops and then to playgroup at the hospital.  I heard mom tell dad that there were 22 other babies and their mums there but I cannot say for sure as I slept through the whole group!

In the afternoon another walk, this time my cousins took turns to push me and that made it a bit more special.

Friday 6 July 2001

Help! My mum has become an exercise freak.  Today she shlepped me off to her gym class, granted there were lots of babies there and we were included in the exercises but I really had not had much sleep this morning and I was tired and ratty and in no mood for exercise.  Apparently we will go back on Monday and maybe I will prefer it after a bit of sleep.

The rest of the day we had to prepare for dinner with all mummy and daddy’s family.  The sad thing was that my grandparents (mummy’s parents) are still in South Africa and no family gathering will be the full thing without them.  Nevertheless I still sleep through Friday nights so while mum says that it was a good night I just slept and woke up as the visitors were preparing to leave.

Saturday 7 July 2001

I was in a real bad mood today and there was no way that I could disguise that.  I was ratty and uncomfortable and the only place that I would sleep was in mum’s arms (not that I see any problem with that, funnily enough she does not always agree).  

I went to visit my twin friends  from the hospital. They are so much bigger than me I could hardly believe that they are the same age - - 2 weeks different and also born at 30 weeks.  The little boy is 7 kilos (double my weight) – I best start to eat a lot more. 

Sunday 8 July 2001

It is taking a while for my bad mood to dissipate so I was in a bit of a mood again today.  I am still waking up very early in the mornings (around 5am) so I guess that would account for some rattyness. 

After a morning spent trying to stay awake while my parents tried to get me to sleep we all went to Bondi and met my aunts there.  My timing is impeccable so I fell asleep on the way there and only woke up when mum was about to eat her lunch.  She fed me and then her and dad whisked me off home because it was very cold and I am still not so into experiencing the elements first hand.

Today I made my parents cry with pride.  I don’t know why really but they were playing with me and I smacked my toy with my hand and they thought that was so wonderful and so smart they both just stared at each other with tears in their eyes and laughed.  I tell you they are such softies – what are they going to do when I go to school?

I had a terrible night.  I could not get comfortable and I just wanted to suck my hands all night.  Mum wanted me wrapped so we had a bit of a war of attrition – I sucked my wrap and mum called dad to try and get me to sleep at 2am.  Mum said that if the sucking of my hands soothed me and I could sleep unwrapped she would be only to happy to do that but the sucking really actually revs me up and I do flail about without the wrap so I guess I will be wrapped for a while longer.

Monday 9 July 2001

Gym again and I still don’t like it.  Although this time I did sleep a bit more so mum got a chance to do a few exercises without me.

It was a rainy and miserable day so we did not get up to much.  I just laughed a lot and was as cute as a button.