I am too young to cry

Thursday 11 October 2001 
This morning after my refusal to have a good morning nap we went to mother’s group at the hospital. Mummy spoke to the midwife and some of the other mum’s about my refusal to sleep and her inability to hear me cry. The midwife that runs the group told mummy that I am to young to cry to sleep and that she should wait a while before she does controlled crying with me. I am happy with that assessment and anyway I like sleeping in their bed.

In the afternoon we did a bit of shopping and then my cousins came over to play.

I am eating like a star at the moment and gulping my solids down! Soon I am going to weigh as much as the other babies of my age.


The barium swallow proves I have a well developed temper

Wednesday 10 October 2001 
Today was a very awful day and I would never have got through it without my daddy. I had to have my barium meal  and it was as bad as expected.

First of all I had to fast for four hours so I was a bit peckish and irritable for not getting my own way, something I am not at all used to. When we got to the radiology department at the Children’s Hospital mum thought that she would be brave enough to stay with me but as it turned out dad is the only brave one in our family. 

It was horrific. 

They tried to feed me the barium in a bottle – who were they kidding – I screamed and screamed, then they tried to syringe it into my mouth but it was way too much and I was way too angry so eventually they had to put it in a tube in my nose – which really did nothing to appease my mood. 

Thank G-d my daddy was with me through the whole ordeal and he held me tight and made the best of a terrible situation, unlike mummy who ran away and sat outside trying to pretend the whole thing was not happening. I then had to have x-rays every half an hour to an hour later for the next five hours.

All in all it was a most terrible experience. The radiologist did however say that everything looked normal and I guess that is what it was all about so my tummy looks normal physically and we certainly know my spirit works well. (The radiologist commented to dad on my temper.)

The rest of my day was good though and I quickly forgave the parents for putting me through the barium meal.

I slept rather well after such a chaotic day, albeit in the parents bed, and mummy and daddy looked very relieved.


Giving up faith

Tuesday 9 October 2001 

Today we went to playgroup at the Newborn Care Centre and just as mummy was explaining to Sue, the physio that I am not rolling over because I keep getting one arm stuck, I rolled right over and made mummy look like a bit of a neurotic. 

Mum was so exasperated over my non sleeping and my new screaming regime that she asked them for advice. It really looks like I am going to be getting some sleeping lessons when my stomach is sorted out.

Today we also had to go to Dr C. Mum had to take a deep breath before we went in because she is so furious with him  for not sorting out my tummy earlier. The appointment was not very comfortable, mummy was obviously very cross with the doctor and she could not really say anything because he had not heard from the gastroenterologist and so mummy could not say anything that might make her look stupid later. Basically I think though that we have to get a new doctor, mummy, daddy and I have lost a bit of faith in Dr C after 6 months of sleepless nights.


No update

Monday 8 October 2001

I was in a shocking mood all day. I went shopping with mummy and I refused to sleep and I am too angry to write in my diary. I am not coping with the tiny amount of sleep I am getting at the moment.


Father's group because we are all about equality

Sunday 7 October 2010

Today we had mother’s group for father’s as well. It was pretty groovy for dad to get to know all the other baby’s.  It was quite a lot of fun and dad was so happy that although I am the smallest I do not look that small anymore next to the others. We posed for photographs and we played around and then we had to go because we were going out for lunch.

Today my uncle arrived from South Africa and we were all very excited. I thought that I wouldn't get to meet him today because we waited around at my aunt for ages and he did not come but then after my bath, just as I was getting ready for bed he arrived. I got to stay up late and chat with them. He says that I look very different from the last time that he saw me – he also looks quite different to me.

I had three proper meals today, banana and apple cereal for breakfast, pumpkin for lunch, and banana and pear for dinner. Mum and dad are ecstatic.

I had another shocking night. Mum and dad have now had to put up sides on their bed so that I can sleep in it without fear of falling out.

They leave me to cry alone. FOR THREE WHOLE MINUTES

Saturday 6 October 2001 

I am in a bit of a narky mood today – mum is wishing for teeth so that she can explain away my behaviour.

We had a lot of chores to do, we went shopping and we went to find me a highchair but the thing that I liked best was going to the park where we all ate fruit salad under the trees – going to the park with mum and dad on the weekend is one of my favourite things. I will add that I also loved sitting in the high chairs in the shop – I just know that a bit of practice sitting in the high chair and I will be sitting on my own in no time.

Tonight I really did not want to go to sleep and mummy and daddy got so exasperated that they let me cry all on my own. It was traumatic for every single one of us. I cried on my own for three minutes and then mom started to cry and it took 25 minutes to console me. I have also learned that I can really scream now and that way I can get my parents to do anything that I want. I scream so that I sound like I am in pain. It really scares them a bit but at least then I get to sleep in their arms or their bed and not my cot all on my own


Attempting to roll

Friday 5 October 2001
This morning we had a tea party at home. Mummy's friend who is a doctor and her son came because mummy thought that we should meet them, the mum is a radiologist and the son has had a berium so they are “experts” in the field - oh and also because they are very nice.  We also had some other people and it was fun. I was glad to meet a boy who had had so many major tummy issues and was now over them and big and healthy.

We went to visit granny later and we also did some more shopping because today is my Pop’s birthday and he is coming for dinner.

I am now straining my neck all the time to see what is going on behind me as well as in front of me and that is doing wonders for my attempts at rolling – however my one arm still keeps getting stuck under me and so my rolling is still a bit stinted.


I shopped in a trolley

Thursday 4 October 2001 

Today I went shopping with mummy to the supermarket and it was wonderful because I got to sit on the baby seat in the front of the trolley and I was eye level with mum and I could see all the groceries and all the people and I loved it. It is amazing the number of people that come up to me to comment on what a happy, beautiful baby I am. Mummy and daddy realise that they are blessed.

Now my parents are really worried about me at night AGAIN , daddy insists that I am in pain and that is why I am waking up but mummy thinks that I am just becoming a naughty little boy. It is hard for them to tell, I have also developed this wonderful new shriek which can scare the living daylights out of them and so that really keeps them on their toes. Mum has vowed that once all my stomach problems are sorted out she is going to teach me to sleep even if it means a lot of crying on my behalf.  I 'd like to see that (actually I wouldn't but it is a turn of phrase I hear a lot)


I can drink from a cup

Wednesday 3 October 2001 Two big new firsts for me today. I managed to sit all on my own in the park for about 5 whole seconds (or maybe 3) !!! It was great fun and I plan to do a lot more of it in the future. I also drank out of my new spouted cup and I loved it – not sure whether it was the juice in it or the actual cup. I made mummy so happy that I could actually drink something other than breast milk – I think she is feeling very relieved that maybe I will not breastfeed forever.

We went to the park with where I practised my sitting. Then we met Jody and Joshua for lunch and I slept all through that. Mummy’s friends all think that mummy talks nonsense because whenever we see them I am sleeping like an angel.

I came home and drank from my cup and I think that the apple juice may have caused me some discomfort because I did not want to sleep at night at all or maybe that is because I never want to sleep at night.


You should hear me scream

Tuesday 2 October 2001
I had a real bad night again last night and so today the parents are frantic again about teaching me to sleep. All the books say that they should leave me to cry a bit but they also say that you should wait till I am a little older. I don’t see why they have a problem with getting up every two hours and feeding me.

Mummy made a big step forward today. She left me at her sister's house and went to have her hair cut. I liked being at my aunt because she is lots of fun and so are my cousins and they never let me cry. Mummy on the other hand had a terrible time being away from me and she was very teary without me. Everybody said that it was a very big step for her and we are all proud of her but I don’t think she wants to do it again in a big hurry.

By the way while I was having a fit in my cot this morning refusing to stop screaming and go to sleep, I managed to do a full roll! So it seems that I may never learn to sleep but at least I will meet all my other developmental milestones.

Mummy and daddy have also decided to stop feeding me every time I wake up. If I wake up under three hours they don’t feed me – they just rock me. You should hear me scream!! 


I have been doing a lot of hair growing lately

Monday 1 October 2001 
This morning was a public holiday and this time dad was exhausted after my terrible night so mum took me for a walk while dad had a sleep. I had a great walk but I never slept.

We had lunch arrangements in the park with Romy and her parents and a whole lot of other babies and their mums. I slept through the entire thing but I was soon to learn that mum picked up some tricks during the course of lunch, when I had my bath tonight she gave me a cup with water so that I could practise learning to drink from a cup. The cup had a spout on it and besides the fact that I kept pouring cold water onto my chest I quite enjoyed the water in a cup experience.

Tonight when my daddy made me dinner he gave me mango and apple thinking that it was pear and banana. Well, he managed to fox the both of us because I ate it and I normally would not do such a thing – mind you it is not bad at all. I think I may have some of that again.

Just a quick note to report that I have been doing a lot of hair growing recently, it is coming along well. I also managed to sit for about 2 seconds unaided today – that is the new milestone I am pushing for – that and the full roll which I am still soooo close to.


The trees are mobiles for adults - we should spend more time under them

Sunday 30 September 2001
This morning we went out for breakfast with Jake and his parents but I fell asleep during the breakfast and for the whole walk that we had afterwards.

Mum and dad thought that it was such a nice day and it was a pity to spend it indoors so we went to lie on the blanket in Centennial Park. Mom and dad had a sandwich and I had a banana, it was delicious. I love to lie under the trees and watch the patterns that the trees make – it is like a giant mobile that even my parents can enjoy.

Pops came to watch my nightly bath/massage ritual as apparently it is the most wonderful thing to witness. I really love the water and I love bath time. It is the time that I am always happy no matter what!.

Another abysmal night’s sleep tonight and mummy got almost angry with me. She is very short fused on so little sleep.

Dad and son bonding time

Saturday 29 September 2001 

Today was a great day, I was in a really good mood today and I think it was all because I started the day with a little daddy son bonding time. This morning after I woke up early as usual dad packed me up in the pram and took me for a walk so that mum could sleep. The whole day flowed so well from there – everyone was in a good mood.

We went and did a bit of shopping and then we went to my aunt and uncle.  Oh I do love my aunt and uncle - they are after all the parents to my cousins.

Tonight after my bath dad played peek-a-boo with me and I became quite hysterical. My laughing made dad hysterical and we all nearly ended up on the ceiling we laughed so much. My parents are so thrilled with me – they say I may be very small but I am without doubt the happiest baby they have ever seen. They need to remember this in the night when I wake up every hour and a half.


A visit to the gastroenterologist

Friday 28 September 2001 
Today was another big day for me. 

I went to see the paediatric gastroenterologist today about my terrible bowel motions and my lack of ability to gain weight. I waited an hour and a half to see him and I must say that I was not at all impressed by him even if mummy thought he was quite nice. I screamed when I looked at him and my mouth turned downwards into its most miserable position. He told mum that he would examine me on mom’s lap so that I would not be so angry but I knew what he was up to. 

He prodded and poked about and he told mum that my tummy was very distended for somebody of my age. He said that the loops of my bowel were distended and he could feel a lot of gas, he could also hear lots of noises. Dr D said that he did not think that I was lactose intolerant and nor did he think that I have a cows milk protein allergy (so mum can go back on to dairy) but he thought that the suspected NEC infection that I had when I was only 26 days old could have caused some damage to my bowels or that my bowels may not have completely recovered. He wants me to have a berium meal done and a couple of stool samples so that he can check it all out for sure. 

Mum and dad are quite worried and anxious – they also want to kill Dr C. I have been “walking around” with this stomach ailment for over 5 months and he has kept insisting that there is nothing wrong. I should have had this sorted out months ago. Dr D says that he is sure that I am uncomfortable at times and I have been trying to tell that to everyone for ages – why do you think I can’t sleep at night? 

Mum was in such a state all day about everything, about the berium, the possible results and her anger with Dr C. I am also dreading the berium but at least we will be able to get to the bottom of this problem and I can get better and grow big and fat at last. 


Over the novelty of the parent's bed

Thursday 27 September 2001 
It was Yom Kippur today so we really did not do anything too fun or exciting. Dad did try to give me some avocado today but I rejected that rather firmly – I will be happy to stay on pears and bananas for the rest of my babyhood. Dad says that I am just like mum – all she ever wants to eat is sweet and sour vegetables, the same thing every day and if she can do it so can I.

For breaking of the fast we went to my granny. I had my bath and everything there and went to sleep in my pram. I was really rather good considering the fact that I was in a strange environment. I woke up to eat at about 8:30 and although I may have forgotten where I was while I was sleeping I soon realised I was not at home. And there ended my sleep. Mum and dad took me home soon after that but when we got home I convinced them not to put me to sleep, I was in such a good mood. The ever hopeful parents tried to feed me a late night solids meal in the hope that I would sleep better when I did sleep. I ate it to make them happy and then I lay in their bed with them and watched TV till I fell asleep like a real big person. The rest of the night however was not so wonderful and again I refused to sleep for any real stretch of time – sleeping in their bed makes no difference at all any more – I am over the novelty.


Another day, another attempt at bottle feeding

Wednesday 26 September 2001 Nothing very exciting happened today. I continued to be very cute and mum tried to give me the bottle again but I am still not taking it.

Dad came home from work very early tonight and we ate dinner very early so that they could fast tomorrow – it is Yom Kippur but mum is not really fasting because she wants me to be able to breast feed and be assured that the milk is plentiful. It was fun for dad to be home so early and I got to bath a bit later and everything but I still slept atrociously.


I fail bottle drinking 101

Tuesday 25 September 2001 
Well this morning was a flurry of activity trying to get everything ready for my big day of bottle learning skills. We had to take bottles, formula, cups, spouts, teats, changes of clothes and most of all a lot of resolve -me, to take the bottle and mum not to lose her temper with the people of they showed me a way to take the bottle that she did not like.

We were real nervous, well mostly mummy was nervous but there was nothing to be scared of. Donna was the mothercraft nurse that looked after me and she was really nice and so gentle and caring, she also did not want me to cry. Instead of eating as I arrived, which I really like to do, they made me have a sleep in their cot. Mum was so impressed with the way that I went to sleep in their cot that she is determined that I will sleep in my cot like that tonight. All they did was wrap me in a sheet and rocked the cot like a pram on its wheels. I soon got bored of the white wall in front of me and slept. When I woke up I was quite hungry as I had not eaten since 8am. Donna tried to give me a bottle. I refused it – mind you I played with it in my mouth but I was not keen to suck on it. 

I will give Donna her dues – she persevered for 45 minutes and I got so tired that after that she put me back to sleep. I still had not taken anything from the bottle and so I still had not eaten since 8am. After I woke from that sleep Donna tried with that damn bottle again but this time I was not so nice and cute about it – I cried and told her that I would rather breastfeed. She tried for half an hour but I stuck to my guns and refused to drink from that bottle. Ten minutes of play on the floor with mummy and then finally they let me breastfeed. Phew what a relief – by this time it was 2:30pm. I had been a long time without food and I was hungry.

Donna had been defeated in her quest to give me a bottle but she was positive about mummy continuing to try at home. She said that I am a strong willed little boy and very determined – mum says stubborn but Donna sees it as a virtue – I like Donna. 

Militant about lact-ease. Not as easy as it sounds

Monday 24 September 2001 When I don’t sleep at night I cannot be expected to feel good during the day although we all know how hard I try. Today I have a real full blown cold. My nose is runny and red and my eyes are watering. Mummy took me back to Dr T and he confirmed that I have a cold but there is very little that we can do about it.

Today mum spoke to some lady on the phone who said her baby had a lactose intolerance and they “cured” it by using a lactase enzyme before each feed. Mummy is reinspired to try using the lact-easy with me so this afternoon we went off in pursuit of lact-ease once again and now she is becoming militant about my using it.

I am finally taking my solids like I am meant to and mum is loving feeding me. I am still trying very hard to roll over, most especially when I am meant to be sleeping at night. Tonight I could not get comfortable while I was trying to sleep. I think that I may want to go back to my own bed soon as it is very uncomfortable in mum and dad’s bed. It is too small for the three of us, either one of them leaves or I do!

Mummy was feeling sick with anticipation and dread the whole night because tomorrow we are going to Karitane to learn how to take a bottle. YUGHHHH!!


They shlep me out when I am sick

Sunday 23 September 2001
I was feeling a tad better until the parents shlepped me out again. How am I meant to shake this cold?

We had coffee with my grandfather and then went out to my aunt for lunch. I slept outside in my pram and I made everyone believe that I was over my cold but then when I woke up I just clung to mummy. How else am I meant to get across to them that I just want to be at home?

Once at home I brightened considerably and I amused mum and dad for ages and then to really top the day off I ate my entire dinner of p[ears and apples. My eating makes dad deliriously happy.

Granny came over to watch me bath and then I went to bed but I hardly slept at all. It was a really really bad night.

Hard to smile with a cold

Saturday 22 September 2001

 I have officially given mummy my cold and she is not happy.  She sounds weird and she doesn’t stop sniffing and sneezing.  Maybe now she will have some idea of how lousy I have been feeling.  Dad is also a bit under the weather although personally I think mum’s cold is a bit worse.

Mum is such a trooper and I think she expects me to be one too so we packed our tissues and we went to meet friends at Bronte.  The weather is very hot and it was rather pleasant by the water in the cool sea breeze.  I had a long sleep in my pram and when I woke up I was in such a foul mood that we kind of left almost straight away.

I cannot sleep with a blocked nose and I am really trying so hard to keep my smiles up amidst this cold but it is getting hard.


I am an outdoorsy kind of baby

Friday 21 September 2001 Still trying to roll over and still feeling pretty much under the weather. I did go to the park though today and I watched the ducks and the trees. I am quite an outdoorsy type of baby. I really like to watch the trees move in the wind although I am rather particular about my exact positioning in the sun.

I slept in mum and dad’s bed again but I think that the novelty is wearing a bit thin. I did not sleep so very brilliantly – we are all still unsure whether it is just the way that I sleep or if it is my cold


Only a 165gram weight gain

Thursday 20 September 2001 
Today was much more of the same. I am still not feeling completely myself but I am making a valiant attempt at being supremely brave.

I had an appointment with the dietician again today and it was not great. I have only put on 165grams in the last two weeks and 1cm in length. Kylie and Shelia, the lactation consultant, both said that it is pretty good considering that I have been sick because I can be expected to lose a bit of weight when I am not well. Much of the talk at the appointment focused on the upcoming appointment with the gastroenterologist and I thought we wasted a lot of time trying to second guess what he would have to say next Friday. Mummy is still petrified that she is going to have to force me to take a bottle. It is not that she does not want to stop breastfeeding it is just that she cannot take the trauma of me screaming as I refuse the bottle.

The only good news that I have to report is that I am really trying hard to roll over and it seems like it will not be long before I am able to roll around on my own. Mum and dad get quite frustrated watching me because I am so almost there but I just find that last bit a little difficult.

I slept in mum and dad’s bed again and although it was not as good as the first night I am still enjoying it. Even if I do not sleep for longer at least I never have to cry in the night to get their attention. If I need mum or dad they are right there so I don’t have to wake up and cry.


I love my mother's bed. That is all

Wednesday 19 September 2001 
After another shocking night’s sleep I was actually not expecting to feel much better today and so I was not at all surprised that I felt whingey and uncomfortable at day. Mum had so many visitors drop in and I was just so tired.  I had a nap in the morning and when I woke up everyone said how good I was but mum and I knew that I was not myself.

I was just a bit fussy so eventually she hauled me off to our GP for another opinion and just to make sure that everything was allright. Dr T examined me and said that I definitely had a low grade infection or virus of some type and that my throat was very red. He told mom to give me Panadol for the pain and to keep an eye on me and if I had not settled by tomorrow to take me back. He also asked us for a urine sample. Do these doctors not realise how difficult it is to get a urine sample from me?

My poor parents are rather distressed about my illness so they are being extra especially kind to me. When I came home from the doctor I fell asleep in mum’s arms and she let me just lie there. Usually when I fall asleep around 5 mum makes me stay up till after my dinner and bath so that I can go to bed at 6pm but tonight I just lay with mum on the couch till about 6pm. After I bathed and had my massage and was looking much better, not so pale and not so clammy I went to sleep. 

Mum was convinced that I would have a nice long sleep but lo and behold an hour and a half later I was up (this hour and a half thing is a pattern that I am quite fond of). Daddy told mum that he is sure that I want to drink all night because it makes my throat feel better, mum wanted me to sleep in her bed so that she did not have to get up all night so the upshot of all of this was that I got to sleep in my parents bed all night and I loved it.

It was the best sleep that I have ever had and mum was horizontal for the longest time since I have been born because she did not keep having to get up all night. A win-win situation all round although mummy is petrified that she is making a rod for her own back. I drank whenever I wanted, I lay in bed feeling very comfortable and secure that my parents were right there and all in all it was great, I did drink so much that I wet my clothes and my wrap and at 2am mummy had to change me but I was so relaxed and happy in their bed that afterwards I just put myself straight back to sleep. I hope that they are not just letting me sleep there because I am not feeling well.


Doctor C still thinks breast is NOT best for me

Tuesday 18 September 2001 
Well my temperature is right down but I am still not feeling my best so mum dragged me off to Dr C this morning. He looked in my throat and ears and listened to my chest. He said that my throat was a little red but nothing major. He said that I should continue to take the Panadol if I have any temperature and if anything changes for the worse mum should take me straight to Accident and Emergency at the Children’s Hospital. He and mum had a big chat about my growth and Dr C put mummy in a very bad mood. I think she was feeling guilty about the fact that she has not forced that bottle on me because Dr C has said that I am small because I am not getting enough nutrition. 

He also mentioned, when he made me cry by looking in my throat and ears, that I had blocked tear ducts and quite frankly I think mom has had enough of hearing “bad” things about me. Anyway we have chosen to ignore the blocked tear duct scenario for now. Dr C said that we should do a urine sample (well actually that I should do a urine sample) and just check that there is no urinary tract infection. 

My mother is beside herself with exhaustion and worry and so is my father.  I am continuing to refuse to sleep.


I get a fever

Monday 17 September 2001

Well all my bad behaviour over the last few days finally came to light today. All day long I tried to be as patient as possible with mummy as she prepared dinner for first night Rosh Hashanah. I was tired and ratty but I did not want to sleep at all. Eventually she took me for a walk but I just lay in the pram. Mum commented on the fact that I looked very pale and my eyes were quite red around the rims.

When mummy put me to bed in the evening I was very reluctant to sleep. I did not cry but I could not get comfortable and I could not fall asleep. Mum thought that I was acting up because she may have been a little stressed that there were 11 people coming for dinner. After lots and lots of cuddles I eventually fell asleep for a short while. When I woke, before the guests had even started dinner, mummy thought that I felt very warm, she changed my pyjamas for summer ones and called my uncle upstairs for his expert medical opinion. He concurred that I was warm but suggested we wait an hour before giving me any Panadol. I wanted that Panadol badly so in the hour that they were waiting I brewed up quite a temperature so that when I woke again and they took my temperature it was 38.3. I certainly got my Panadol then. Mum and dad were quit anxious but my uncle just said to give me Panadol 4 hourly and if that does not bring my temperature down I should go straight to the Children’s Hospital. My temperature went down but I did not feel well. I was just very listless, not angry, not grumpy just a bit mellow and happy to lie in mum’s arms but not sleep.


Stop with the bananas

Sunday 16 September 2001
I am in a better mood today although I am vehemently opposed to the idea of a morning nap.

Today we went shopping again!!  My parents are determined to spend as much of the weekend shopping as they can. Mum claims it is the Rosh Hashanah dinner but I am not so sure (Rosh HaShana is the Jewish New year which involves celebrating by eating a lot - I forsee that it will not be my favourite festival) 

We had lunch at my aunt and that was fun, she has a lovely outdoor area where I love to it in my pram and chat to the trees. I was very tired after a while, I had a tiny sleep and then became so hysterical that we had to leave. We were all very tired.

I had my favourite dinner tonight but paid heavily for it during the night. I munched away on a banana quite oblivious to any ill effects that it may have had but at 1am my tummy was as tight as a knot and hard as a rock. I screamed and screamed and sobbed. Mummy and daddy were pretty close to sobbing as well. Eventually mummy massaged my tummy and I felt a bit better and was able to go to sleep. Mum is thinking of banning all solids for a week to see if my sleep improves. I am sure that she is nutty.


Thrilled with my capacity to kick

Saturday 15 September 2001 
My mood continues to be bad and I am really tired. I am not sure if all the lack of sleep at night is just catching up with me and I am feeling quite drained during the day. Whatever it is I am sure keeping mom and dad on the hop with worry. Mum is insistent that I should go to the doctor because I am not quite myself.

I slept much of the day and was only really happy when we were at home and playing. In the car, at the shops and out and about in general I was an absolute misery. When we got home and mum and I played together with my toys she was embarrassed at the idea that she could have taken me to the doctor because I was in such fine form.

I have got a new seat for the bath and we all love it. Mum loves it because it takes all the strain off her back because I can sit in the bath by myself, I love it because I can kick and splash in the bath like a big boy and dad loves it because I am as cute as a button in that chair. Baths are no longer the boring, relaxing things they used to be – now I play in the bath and am thrilled with my own capacity to kick.

I had a bit of a screaming episode in the middle of the night – nothing quite like it to check the parents devotion.


I want to go on camp

Friday 14 September 2001 
Another cranky day. Could this mean teeth are coming? I am biting everything I can get my hands on and I am really irritable. Mummy and daddy both think that they can see a white spot on my gums but I will be honest I am not to game to let them examine it.

Today my cousin came back from camp and I can tell you that you could almost feel the relief in the air. Mummy said that I am never allowed to go on camp because she was so worried about N and plus she saw what my aunt went through for five days without her little girl. We’ll see about that one. Quite honestly the idea of camp sounds very appealing to me at this stage. We had a party for N when she came home and there were balloons and streamers and cookies and chips and cold drink and I slept through the whole thing. What a waste.

When I got back home I just cried and moaned and whinged – the only thing that consoles me is breastfeeding. My aunt bought me some teething gel and I did seem a bit happier after that but mum says that it is a bit too medicated and she is loathe to give it to me again. No wonder I want to go on camp – all I want is some relief for my gums.


How do you break a habit?

Thursday 13 September 2001 

I have been really tired and cranky today, I am not sure if it has anything to do with my new habit of staying awake between around 3 and 4am every morning or if it is just a bad day.

This morning we went for a walk and we were meant to go to the hospital playgroup but I fell asleep and mummy was not keen to wake me up because I have been so moody.

We went to visit friends in the afternoon but I was still cranky and so very tired. I am not sure what has come over me but I certainly was not on my best form, although they still found me amazingly charming.

My night was not bad at all until about 2am and then I did my usual every hour and then awake for an hour from 3-4am. No wonder I am tired during the day. The problem is how do you break this habit? I am too tired to stay awake during the day and if mom tries to keep me awake I just scream blue murder.

The worst day in the world. Really

Tuesday 11 September 2001 A bad night’s sleep makes for a long morning nap. I slept all morning today and felt a lot better for it. I know that everyone suggested that uom do the same but she is so stubborn like that so now she will be tired and I won’t be. One day she will learn to sleep.

We went to playgroup at the Newborn Care Centre. We love that outing because we get so much reaffirmation about how well I am doing. Today Sue, the physio who runs the group was just amazed at me. She said that I am looking so big and fat and that while I few months ago I looked like I was not thriving now I look really well. She also said that I am so smart and that I will definitely be the skinny kid who is top of the class. I charmed everyone as usual and did my mother proud. I still continue to get comments from everyone on what a happy baby I am.

Wednesday 12 September 2001
I am sure that most people are noting today or rather yesterday in their diaries. I am writing today because it is the day that I woke up to hear the awful news about the devastation in New York. 

Mum has been trying to put on a very brave face but she looks petrified.  And she is sobbing a lot.  She looks pale. And she keeps hugging me for extra long.  I am hugging her back to tell her how grateful I am to be in Australia and how lucky I am to have my family with me.  Mummy phoned daddy a lot today.  

When he came back from Melbourne this evening I was nearly as pleased as mummy to have him home so I woke often during the night just to check that he was still there and I am pleased to say that he is back to stay – I don’t think mom or I will ever let him travel again.

I know that this may sound pretentious coming from a 7 month old but I am really lost for words at today's events. I wish the families of all those who lost their lives today only comfort, love and hope for a better future free of war, terror and oppression.


Hysterical for the night

Monday 10 September 2001 
I had a great day running around with my aunt and uncle and cousin.

In fact I had a great day till nightfall. Firstly we had been out shopping far too late and by the time we came home it was really late so I was a bit out of sync. I had trouble getting to sleep and then when I woke up for some food at 9pm I noticed that daddy was not there. I thought I would let it rest until the next feed and so I did but then when I woke up he was still not there. 

Everybody had neglected to tell me that daddy was away on business for two nights. My night was ruined, I was a wreck. Mummy tried to put me in her bed, she tried to rock me, she tried to hold me but all I did was cry. I cried and I cried and I screamed and I screamed and I cried some more. 

I think I heard mummy’s heart break, I know she was not in the happiest mood. Eventually she thought that I was in some pain so she gave me Panadol. I slept for an hour and woke up again. It was a terrible night and when mummy had come to her senses all I could hear her doing was praying for the sun to come up because everything is always a lot better in the light of day.


What a riot - I get to sleep all the way to the airport and back

Sunday 9 September 2001 
This morning mum and dad shlepped me off shopping again. I am convinced that every time I don’t sleep very well they take me off shopping in the morning. I am sure that they think I will sleep if I am pushed around in the pram for long enough but really there is so much to see and do I am not sure that sleeping in my pram would not mean that I miss out on some other stuff.

We went out for lunch again but I did not get banana this time. Mum spoke about leaving me with dad and my cousins while she went with Dan to the airport but I was so tired and we all know that when I am that tired I only want my mum so I ended up going with her to the airport to get my aunt Ca. I was as good as gold because I knew that the adults would want to talk so I slept all the way there and I slept all the way back, it was almost as if I had stayed at home I was so quiet.

I had another one of my wonderful nights from hell. Mummy is convinced that the tapping me in the cot business is not working and I am not learning to sleep any better. Now I will not fall asleep in her arms and I will not fall asleep in my cot so it is a bit of a nightmare to get me to sleep.  Oh well


I have fallen for a banana

Saturday 8 September 2001
I had a wonderful day today. I slept like a charm last night added to which I had a good long nap this morning and so I was in a really good mood today. Needless to say my parents were also pretty delighted.

I also had the joy of discovering bananas. I was sitting with the family eating lunch at my aunt when mum thought that instead of eating my hands all the time maybe I should taste a banana. Well all I can say is I love banana !!! If they had wanted me to eat sooner they should have introduced this yellow piece of heaven earlier. I gummed on my piece of banana for ages and was most impressed with the taste and texture. Mum and dad are hysterically happy and even gave me banana and apple mush for dinner.
After lunch we all went to Centennial Park for some fresh air and exercise. I was still in a good mood and having lots of fun playing but mum and dad are so strict about that routine of mine so we left at 4:30 to go home and get ready for the night time routine. Gee I feel like such a nerd getting ready for bed at such an early hour.


Finger sucking

Friday 7 September 2001 
Today was a much better day than yesterday although I regret to inform that I cannot write about any long sleep. My mood was however ever so much better than yesterday. 

Mummy is now buying me every teething ring that she can find because I am constantly shoving my fists into my mouth and sucking my fingers ravenously. I am also very fond of sucking other people’s fingers if they give me half a chance. This freaks mum out a bit because I am quite indiscriminate about whose fingers I suck. 


Narky mood. Again

Thursday 6 September 2001
I was in a particularly bad mood today and mummy thinks it is because she let me cry a bit last night instead of cuddling me to sleep. In any case I never got enough sleep so today was basically a series of short sleeps with me trying to make up for my lack of proper rest last night.

We went to playgroup at the hospital this morning and I was really not into it. First I slept and then when I woke up I just whinged a lot. We went for a walk afterwards and I fell asleep in my pram in the cutest position ever. I am the only baby that I know that really cuddles up when I sleep in my pram, I wish I could work out a way to cuddle in my cot because then I am sure I would sleep a lot better.

The rest of my day was boring really and apart from my really narky mood today I have nothing much else to report. Hopefully tomorrow I will be writing about the long sleep that I had.


I passed my blood tests. Gosh I am clever

Wednesday 5 September 2001 
This morning mum put me down to sleep in my cot and I was really cross, in fact I was screaming cross. I screamed and screamed but all she did was pat my back and say sshhh. I got so bored I fell asleep and had a long two hour morning nap. Mum was happy, she thinks she is well on her way to teaching me to put myself to sleep. I must say that I woke up in a very good mood and I spent a good half an hour watching my mum dance around the room while I giggled tremendously, that mum she will do anything to make me laugh.

In the afternoon we had mother’s group. I fell asleep on the way there and had another little nap once we were there so now mum is worried about the night again. Tanya came up with a theory as to why I don’t sleep – she said that mum is so nice to me that I don’t want to spend any time apart from her. Mum is really flattered with that one.

When we got home there was a message on the phone from Dr C. He said that my calcium phosphate levels were all fine and there was nothing to worry about at all. Pheww! I passed my blood tests.

Tonight when I went to sleep mummy let me fall asleep on my own. She did not wrap me fully because she thought she should leave out one hand for me to suck on. It is about time too, I spent such a long time learning to suck my fingers in order to calm me down and now she takes that away from me at night by wrapping my hands up. 

I don't eat pears

Tuesday 4 September 2001 After another very tiring nights sleep I was in a bit of a mood this morning but nothing that could not be overcome with a long breastfeed or two. We went to my aunt and I didn't eat my pears there. Every day mummy feeds me food and every day I don’t eat it.

Today was the day mum had long been planning to take me to music lessons – “Baby Music on the Lap”. We had been once ages ago when I was only 4 weeks corrected and I loved it then even though I fell asleep. Anyway when we got there I was really tired so after the first song when I had the opportunity to lie in mum’s arms, I fell asleep and I awoke promptly as the lesson ended. Mum thought it was a terrible waste of money but dad said he would willingly pay someone to make me sleep.

In the afternoon we went to fetch my cousin from school and she introduced me and mum to her teacher. Her teacher said that I was the happiest baby she ever saw and had to check with mum a couple of times if I was always that happy. Yup mum said, I am, even at 2am!!

Another terrible night. I was awake a lot and I found it very hard to go to sleep. I heard mum say that she is determined to teach me to go to sleep on my own. This should be interesting.


Mummy is still crying

3 September 2001
Today we met Tanya and Jake for a walk around Centennial Park. Tanya said that mummy looks stressed. I think maybe she can see in mummy’s face that I have not been sleeping such a lot at night. I think I confused Tanya though because I fell asleep in my pram like such a star and now she thinks that I can put myself to sleep any old time. The problem was though that I only fell asleep for about 15 minutes which is really not enough. 

I could not sleep at all well during the night either and I woke up at 11 and could not get back to sleep till 2am. Mummy was crying because she was so tired, I don’t understand it I was not at all tired, on the contrary I wanted to play.


Dad has got a terrible cold and mum is just plain exhausted

Saturday 1 September 2001 
I had such a terrible morning this morning. Mummy decided to take my cot off its angle in the middle of the night as she thought it was responsible for me landing in weird positions in the middle of the night. I have never slept totally flat before and I do not think that my reflux appreciates this new position. At 5:30 this morning when mum came to see why I was crying I vomited all over her, all over my bed, all over the carpet and everywhere. It was horrible, it tasted terrible and I felt sick. Mum and dad cleaned it all up and I started to feel a lot better but I had to have a nice long nap before I felt ready to take on the day. 

The rest of the day was uneventful. Mum lovingly handcrafted me some pears and sweet potatoes for the coming week. I am still fooling them into believing that I can eat solids. 

Sunday 2 September 2001 
Today was father’s day so I tried my very hardest all day to be a perfect little angel, just like I am every other day. The morning started out badly and mom and dad were so tired they looked as if they could not even look after me so I decided that I better have a sleep and give them a chance to catch up a bit. Dad has got a terrible cold and mum is just plain exhausted. 

After a good nap we went for a walk to the shops and then back home again for food – mmmm pears homemade by mum. I am still not totally into this whole solid food thing. Mum thinks that is because I am just never hungry enough because if I don’t get my breastmilk when I demand it I become horrible. 

In the afternoon we went to visit my granny and I laughed and gurgled and showed off. 

I had quite a good sleep, I did a long stint from 6pm – 10:30 pm but now I am in the habit of waking up even when I am not hungry. I am just not used to long stretches of sleep at all. This is making mummy real nervous, she thinks I am full of bad habits.

More blood tests needed.

Wednesday 29 August 2001 

This morning I went shopping for father’s day presents with mum. It was so hard to try and choose a present for the best daddy in the whole world. I am going to have to win lotto to afford the presents he deserves, on the other hand I just know that he would love a kiss, snuggle and hug from me just as much as all the presents money can buy – if not more. 

In the afternoon we went to play group house and even though I screamed in the car the whole way there I was very happy when we got there. I was my normal smiley happy self and I charmed all mum’s friends so much so that I think they may have been jealous that mummy has got such a beautiful baby! 

Thursday 30 August 2001 

Today I went shopping. I no longer like to shop in my pram, I like to look around and see all the things in the shopping centre. In fact I would say that one of my favourite things is to walk around the streets in mum’s arms taking in all the things around me. I am learning heaps about the world around us. Strangers often stop to talk to mum and I and they all say that I am so bright and alert. Mum swells with pride but I just take it in my stride. 

In the afternoon when we got home we got a call from Dr C. Mum was very nervous to hear his voice on the phone. He told mum that one of my blood tests came back with high level of alp. This is the enzyme produced by the body when laying down bone. Dr C explained to mummy that people with broken bones would have a high level of this enzyme as their bone heals. The high level is not a bad thing in and of itself but I do have to have some more blood tests to check my calcium and phosphate levels. My x-ray also showed that my bone age is less than three months. I could have told them that myself – I know that I am very small. Mum was a bit hysterical but Dr C told her it was nothing. The worst bit though is that I have to have more blood tests. 

Friday 31 August 2001 

Mummy made daddy take me for my blood tests this morning because she was too traumatised by the last ones. We went off to the hospital and the place where I had them last time said that they cannot do them. I have probably put them off for life, so I had to go somewhere else. Well, what a difference. I wish I had had my first lot there. Daddy took me in and there were two ladies to help me. They used all sorts of tricks to keep me happy and they said that they would take blood from the vein rather than from the foot as that would be less painful. They were right. It was so much better and I was a very brave soldier, I did cry because it was very sore but for a very long time. They put on the cutest little rabbit plaster and I was very proud to be able to show my war wound to everyone. 

I got to walk around the shops in mums arms again this afternoon. I could do that all day – I make so many friends and it is really a great way to spend the day (mum gets a bit tired but I am much younger than her – I could go on forever).


Cot or not?

Monday 27 August 2001
Another cold and wet day today which mummy took as a sure sign that today would be a good day to start my new daytime sleep routine. I impressed her yet again by having an almost two hour sleep in the morning. All I can say is that I was always ready for that long sleep in the morning but she kept shlepping me out and about. I tried to tell her that I wanted to sleep but she waited to hear it from the feeding clinic of all places. Nonetheless I guess the most important thing is that I am now getting to have that sleep.

After my sleep we played around at home and I got so tired after about an hour and a half I had another hours sleep. I saw mummy start to worry about that oversleeping thing but I was tired so I could not worry about it at that stage. Mummy then decided we needed to go out when I woke up as we were getting cabin fever but it was very rainy and cold so we just went up to the shopping centre with underground parking and walked around a bit. It was great fun because I got to sit facing forward in the pouch on mum’s chest so I could see everything around me. I love that! I am learning so much about the world and everybody comments on how alert I am and how much I am taking in. I don’t know how they know but nevertheless it makes mummy feel happy when they say that.

The afternoon meant another long sleep for me. Mummy is really taking this seriously.

Tuesday 28 August 2001
Mummy has promised that I will never sleep in my cot during the day again. What a big failure. All through the day it was fine and I slept well but how was I to understand that the night meant something different and that I had to stay in my cot and sleep without getting up to play every so often? All through the day when I had woken mummy played with me so when she did not play with me at night I was very confused – not upset just confused and very playful. Basically I was not tired and so was up almost the whole night.

So, it was a very bleary eyed mummy that took me to Dr C this morning for a check up and he soon made everything all right. I have amazed even him with my growth. Since the last time I saw him I have put on 210grams in weight (over 12 days), 2cm in length and 2cm in head circumference. That is huge. He was thrilled to bits and so was mummy. He said that we must carry on with whatever we are doing because it seems to be working. Yahhoooo that means I can continue to breastfeed. Dr C sent us for some routine tests that ruined an otherwise perfect visit.

I had to have my arm x-rayed to measure my bone age and I also had to have an x-ray of my hips. It was rather revolting having to lie so still and I was so unimpressed that I weed on the radiographer. It was my only means of revenge and I had to do it. I am still thinking of what I can do to the pathologist if I ever lay eyes on her again.

Yup I had to have blood tests and they made the x-rays seem rather pleasant. Dr C wanted to check my iron levels and thyroid and liver function. To get blood from a baby as tiny as me you have to prick the heel and almost squeeze the blood out – 5 vials of it. It was terrible. I screamed in pain, I went bright red and I sweated a lot! Mummy cried as she tried to hold me still and the pathologist who had earlier been praising my good looks, charm and bright disposition was cursing my strength.

I had another hideous night’s sleep – mummy and daddy are tired again.


When it's not about my weight it is about my sleep.

Saturday 25 August 2001
Well my new routine started brilliantly and much easier than mum and I anticipated. This morning I woke up real early at about 6am and I played with mum and dad in their bed. By 7:20 I was exhausted and mum put me back to sleep and you will never believe this but I slept till 9:15 – almost two hours. A record for a day sleep for me. Mum was so nervous that she kept coming in to check on me, dad has got far more brains – he took advantage of the late morning and slept like mum should have.

This afternoon I had another sleep in my cot. I am doing real well and mummy and daddy are soo happy with me. But I did hear mum secretly confide to dad that maybe I am sleeping too much. Poor dad - mum confuses her so much. First she says I have to sleep a lot and then when I do she says it is too much. Us boys will have to rally together against her indecisiveness.

It worked – all my sleeping during the day paid off and I slept like a champion tonight going three hour stints with a four hour burst between 12 and 4.

Sunday 26 August 2001
My sleeping routine has already gone out the window. I did do a good morning sleep and then mum and dad took me shopping for clothes in Bondi Junction. I did not see a thing that I liked and I became quite moody. 

Luckily my cousins live just down the road so we walked to their place because we were going there for lunch anyway. I had a fine time at their house mind you but every time I fell asleep I woke up soon after so I never really got to have that good afternoon sleep that mum and dad had thought I should have. By the time we got home it was late in the afternoon and although I did sleep it was just for half an hour.

I ate my dinner with relish and I had a good few chuckles at my parents. I was just greasing them up for the shocking night that was to come because my sleep was abysmal. I woke up every two hours till 4am and then never really went back to sleep properly at all. My parents are very bleary eyed.


The feeding clinic prescribe cabin fever for mummy

Thursday 23 August 2001 
This morning we went to playgroup at the hospital. It was fun. I played then I ate and then I fell asleep in mummy’s arms. Who could think of a better way to spend a morning?

Another shocking nights sleep tonight. I think I am getting worse at this not better.

Friday 24 August 2001
What a wonderful day! - I weigh 4.605kgs

This morning mum carted me about in the car a lot but I did not mind because I had my aunt and cousin sitting in the back with me and entertaining me. This kept me very happy until I fell asleep and had a long good nap in the car without having to be woken up every time mum stopped the car to go somewhere. I tell you I think I should always travel like this.

After my good car sleep I was really in a good mood and mum and I ventured off to feeding clinic at the Children’s Hospital. Well I almost blew their socks off they were so impressed with me. I have put on 210 grams and over a centimetre in length. Kylie, the dietician, Melissa the speech pathologist and the lactation consultant whose name I have forgotten were all so impressed with me. Mummy told them that as long as I had put on some size she would not be worried about me or my bowels. They were so complimentary to me that mum quite forgot how upset she had been the week before. They all said that I was so alert and inquisitive, I think they might realise how smart I am. They said that we should carry on as we are with the lact-easy, the polyjoule and mums elimination diet and we will see them again in two weeks. However there was one thing that they did add to the list and that was a better routine (are they kidding). They explained to me and mum how important sleep was to my growth and development and added that if we get into a routine now it will be much easier than if we try and start that when I am a bit older. Basically they said I should have two long sleeps in the day at home and in my cot. I should also eat at home in my bedroom where it is quiet and I am relaxed (sounds like the old days) in order to aid the digestion of my food – according to mum I eat much better at night when I am less distracted. Mum thinks that this is a very good idea, she has been toying with the idea of these sleeps at home during the day for a while and now that someone else has suggested that it might aid my growth and help with my sleeping at night (sleep begets sleep) she is sure of it.

After the hospital mum took me to her old work and again I managed to charm everyone around me. I showed off all my tricks and I was really quite charming. Mum seemed so happy to show them all how far she has come and what she has achieved in her “new job”.

After a painfully windy start to the night I did my three hour stretches and slept very well thank you! I am ready to start my new sleep routine.


We laugh, we try pumpkin, we go gray

Sunday 19 August 2001
If it is possible for the cutest person on earth to get any cuter I just did it. After another late morning of 7:15 I was in the mood for laughing today. While we were at Dan’s house supposedly helping her move, I sat with dad on the couch and laughed and laughed. I laughed so loud that mum heard me from the other room and my laugh was so contagious that even my cousin started to laugh with me. My parents think I am the best baby in the world (and I am).

Today I also discovered my feet, not that I can see them properly but I am spending far more time with them in the air. Mum read that that is a developmental milestone so she is thrilled to bits.

Sometimes I catch my parents just staring at me or talking about me with huge big smiles on their faces. I heard them say that I am the best thing that has ever happened to them.

I had another good night tonight and did a long sleep from 9:00 – 2:00. That is now 3 nights in a row and I am feeling so much better for it.

Monday 20 August 2001 
Today mummy and I drove a long way to go visit Kim and Tiffany. I was as good as gold in the car on the way there and I prefer not to speak about the way back. (I screamed all the way from Chatswood to home).

Kim told mummy that I must eat nicer tasting food and then I will eat better so she gave me rice cereal with apple and mango tonight and I did eat it up – not a fortune of it but a bit!

Tuesday 21 August 2001 
Today I went to the clinic where mummy got the clinic sister to book me into Karitane day stay for a day so that they can help me take the bottle. There is a bit of a waiting period so I am only in for late September, hopefully by then I will not need it.

After the clinic we went to Eastgardens and I slept in my pram like an angel. Mum bought me heaps of food so this evening I ate pumpkin mixed with formula to make it nice and runny. I think it may have been delicious. The only problem is that I ate so much I am having difficult getting to sleep tonight.

Wednesday 22 August 2001 
This morning was a very cold and blustery day and after a shocking nights sleep mum and I decided that we should stay indoors. Mum phoned all the other mums in playgroup and managed to convince them to have the group at our house so we could stay inside and be warm and snug.

I had a bit of a nap and when I woke up I discovered that all my friends were sitting downstairs playing without me. This really made me a bit mad at first but then I calmed down and spent the rest of the time showing off how brilliantly I do not take a bottle.

Mum is giving me pumpkin every night now and while I am enjoying the taste it is giving me terrible wind at night (well at least I think it is the pumpkin or it could be the formula that mum mixes it with). So once again I am not sleeping at all well anymore and mum and dad are going gray again.


Lactose, lact-ease, lactate, lack of sleep

Friday 17 August 2001 
I had my horrible immunisations today but I was really good about it. I had not been in a very good mood in the morning when mummy shlepped me off to some far away chemist to buy a special bottle for me to try. I screamed so much that she had to turn back, take me home and feed me. I am trying those new lact-ease drops and they taste delicious. They are also slowing down my rate of poos so mum is thrilled to bits and pieces because she believes that now I might retain some of what I eat.

Eventually we went to get the immunisations and I was as good as gold in the waiting room for 45 minutes – mum was as irate as all hell. I cried a little when the needle went in but I recovered quickly. Mum was a bit scared though and she had to cover her eyes the whole time.

After all my screaming, and I guess the immunisations and the Panadol mum gave me I slept real well waking up every 3 hours on the dot and going back to sleep like a gem.

Saturday 18 August 2001 
I woke up at 7:15 this morning!! (after a brief 6am feed). This was my latest morning ever and I am real proud.

Mum and dad are wrecks about my weight and my lactose intolerance and mainly my refusal to take a bottle of soy formula. They are trying everything in their power but I really do not get this whole bottle thing also I am now back to my same old bowel motions and so mum is dubious that the lact-ease is doing anything.

We had a good day but I was a bit worried about my parents concern over my weight and height so I gave them a real treat and for the second night in a row I slept like a gem. I do think that maybe mum’s new diet of no dairy is making me feel more comfortable so I can sleep better at night. I slept from 6:30 – 11:30 tonight and while I was getting all that good sleep mum was researching my lactose overload on the net. I could hear her jumping up and down with joy as she read article after article on lactose intolerance and breastfeeding and they all said the same thing – change the mum’s diet and you will see a difference in a couple of days and real results in a couple of weeks. Mum is overjoyed!!!


The doctor suggests a plan of action

Wednesday 15 August 2001

The bubble is shattered! Mummy and daddy held out such high hopes for the feeding clinic but really it was all in vain. It all started out really badly. I was tired and in a bad mood when we got there and all I wanted to do was sleep. We sat in this really hot room with the sun pelting down on me and I was decidedly uncomfortable and hot. Mummy tried to tell them to teach me to take a bottle but they became obsessed with my lactose problem and refused to focus on anything else. Their best suggestion in terms of a bottle was to get me so starving that I would take it even if this involved 24 hours of starvation and crying. I shudder as I write this and I can feel mummy’s tears welling up in her eyes at the thought. They also made mummy worry about my length and they said that my growth was being retarded because I was not getting enough nutrition. They also weighed me and according to their scale I had not put on all the weight I thought I had. 

Kylie, the dietician suggested that I go onto this medication called Lact-ease which would digest the lactose for me. Mummy said that she would get it but when she got home daddy said that we have to check with the doctor first. 

Mummy was furious after the appointment as she felt as though we had achieved nothing and she took me barging straight into Dr C’s rooms but he was not there so we left a note for him to phone us urgently. 

Thursday 16 August 2001 
Oh my mum is a hysterical person. This morning mummy spoke to Dr C and became hysterical. She said that he agreed that I have to take a bottle or else I might start to suffer from the lack of nutrition. He started to suggest horrible things like a small bowel biopsy and mummy became quite hysterical and inconsolable. She decided that I had to take the lactose drops that Kylie had mentioned and show Dr C that we did not need any biopsy. She was very emotional though and I am extremely grateful that we had my sister and nephew to provide some sanity and support because the morning only got worse. 

After mummy had spoken to Dr C and made an appointment for later today we went to the chemist to buy the drops. The first chemist did not have them – not a problem, the second chemist told us they would only be available in December – a problem. Mummy cried from chemist to chemist, she phoned the manufacturers, she sobbed and pleaded but we could not find any of this medicine in Sydney. Mummy spoke to Kylie and she did not know where we could get it. Finally mummy found some at the hospital pharmacy and we have procured it and started to take it with each feed – but more about that later. 

At the one very helpful chemist the pharmacist suggested that mummy try eliminate all dairy from her diet and see if that would have any effect on me. She even discussed this on the phone with Kylie and so mum is going to do that for me – I know it will be very hard on her because she does ever so love her chocolate.

Eventually we went to see Dr C and as always he was very calming and reassuring. He did say that it was becoming urgent that I put on weight and he explained that I probably had no lining on my small bowel because of all the lactose. He does not believe that the lactose drops will work but is prepared to give them a try. We now have a definite plan of action 

1. I am going to take lact-ease before each feed

2. I am going to try very hard to take soy formula in a bottle

3. I am going to continue to take polyjoule

4. I am going to eat solids once a day

5. In 4 weeks time I am going to the gastroenterologist

6. Mummy is going to have no dairy in her diet


Another week of feeding

Friday 10 August 2001My mood continues to be good and I am really having a good time. My new favourite thing is when mum or dad hold me in the air and I behave like an aeroplane. It is always a good way to make me smile my biggest smile.

Saturday 11 August 2001 What a busy day. This morning, after a horrific night last night when I woke up every two hours, we went to Fox Studios to meet John P for a coffee. Mummy wanted to show me off to John because he used to work with her in the olden days. 

After coffee we went to watch the rugby at my cousins and that was really cool – I can get into this whole male macho thing of sport but give me a bit of time. Today I preferred to watch just a tiny bit of rugby with the boys and then I went with the girls to get lunch and that was equally good.

After another walk to the beach and a very busy day (I hardly slept at all) we came home and mum and dad gave me some rice cereal with my new spoon. I am not sure if it is the new spoon but I was way better at taking my food. In fact I actually chomped on it. Mum is thrilled to bits because Dr C had mentioned to her that my taking solids was a sure way out of my skinny predicament and mum had stopped trying to give it to me because I was acting so disinterested. Now she thinks I am interested I am sure she will be shtupping me constantly. Between that, her attempts at bottle feeding, the polyjoule and the continued breastmilk I should be a Michelin man in no time at all.

Sunday 12 August 2001 Another busy day!. This morning after one of my usual nights mummy and daddy took me to a toy sale where we spent surprisingly little money – maybe I should sleep better at night then they may be brighter in the mornings.

My parents are still trying to ply me with food with very little success. Give me time I say!

Monday 13 August 2001 I had a bit of a grumpy day today – it all has to do with my not wanting to sleep too much during the day (not to mention at night). Every time that I tried to sleep mum would wake me up to put me in the car or take me out the car or put me in the pram or take me out the pram. Mind you whenever we were in company I was perfectly charming and heaps of people stopped mum in the shopping centre to say how beautiful I am (and I always smile for those people).Eventually I made her take a long drive while I slept in the car but she stopped too soon and I was furious with her. Then to add insult to injury she tried to make me take a nap in my cot. We both ended up crying.

Mummy is a little terrified of my temper – daddy says that I inherited that from mummy. He also says that I got her impatience and stubbornness. All that wrapped up in a package that looks exactly like my daddy.

Tuesday 14 August 2001 I weigh 4.50kgs

What a day! Today after our long walk and my very short nap we went to playgroup at the NCC. Mummy asked if she could weigh me on their accurate digital scales and lo and behold I have put on a fortune of weight. Mummy is ecstatic and so is daddy and I am not fussed.

Mummy also found the secret to successful eating today (for me not for her – that she found out a long time ago). When she feeds me she puts the spoon right into my mouth instead of just the tip of the spoon into the front of my mouth and gee whiz what a difference it makes – finally something that I can really get my teeth into.

A lovely day all in all – I showed off again at the playgroup and chatted and rolled and displayed my very cutest and best behaviour as always.


I will not take a bottle however my mother may take to the bottle

Wednesday 8 August 2001

Good sleep really pays off.   I was in such a good mood today and I had oodles of fun.  I am smiling and grinning all the time now and mum says that I can charm the hind legs off a donkey.

What did I say about sleep?

My sleep has returned to its terrible state and tonight was especially bad because mummy was very anxious.  Dr T had phoned her to say that my poo sample was full of excess fats and sugars.  Now I am sure that there is nothing terribly wrong but mum is a wreck.  Thank Goodness we have an appointment to see him tomorrow morning because dad is taking me to have my immunisations.

Thursday 9 August 2001

What a terribly traumatic day!  We went to Dr T this morning as we had planned.  I was in a really good mood and laughing out loud in the waiting room as we sat for an hour and a half and waited for my appointment.  When we eventually went in Dr T explained that the tests had come back with some very strange results for a little baby of my age.  He phoned my paediatrician to discuss the results and then said to my mum that I had to start drinking from a bottle immediately as I was getting too much lactose through the breast milk.  He explained that the lactose was irritating my tummy (that is why I do so many explosive poos all the time) and as the food passes through my system so quickly I do not absorb the fat and all the nutrients.  This explained the reason for my continuing problems with weight gain at long last.  Dr T was very melodramatic and said that if I don’t stop drinking lactose I will get malnutrition.  Mummy tried to argue on my side and she told Dr T that there was no way I would take a bottle.  He said I had to!  He even said that he would not give me my immunisations as ceasing breastfeeding and having immunisations on the same day would be way to stressful.

Well my poor mummy fell apart.  She said that she felt that someone had ripped me out of her arms.  She did not want to stop breastfeeding me just like that and I was not going to let her.  When we got home and I woke up, dad tried to give me a bottle, he had stayed home from work for the day just to help mum get me to take a bottle.  I screamed and screamed like I have never screamed before.  I did not want the bottle but I was very hungry.  Mum and dad fell to pieces and resorted to breastfeeding me to quieten me.  Things were not happy in my house. 

Then Dr C phoned.  When mummy got off the phone from Dr C it was like somebody had turned a light on in her head, she was beaming so brightly!  Dr C had told mummy that I could carry on breastfeeding but I was to try and take a bottle.  He explained that I was not lactose intolerant but rather had a lactose overload.  If I stayed off lactose for a week my whole tummy would recover and I would be fine.  If however I continued to drink breastmilk I would remain thin but I would not get malnutrition and I would not do any harm to my body.  Mum and Dr C agreed that it could wait till next Wednesday when we go to the feeding clinic and when they try to teach me to take a bottle.  What a relief.

Mummy and I went to the chemist to get polyjoule.  The dietician had told mummy on the phone that I was to take this polyjoule stuff at every feed.  The polyjoule is pure carbohydrate so I should start to put on some weight real soon.  The liquid is syringed into my mouth and it is not too bad although very sticky.  I started today so let us see how it goes.

I had a great rest of the day.  Mum was celebrating me all over again and I just basked in the glory.  I smiled and smiled – I was happy to have my breast back (even though I never really lost it.)


Why can't I put on weight?

Wednesday 1 August 2001 
I am in a shocking mood today. I have had to help mummy with some new car bizzo for my aunt and I have not slept a wink all morning. I had playgroup this afternoon but I was such a grouch that we had to leave early. Mummy says that I am not myself.

Mummy bought a book on teaching me to sleep and now she thinks that she can rest easy but I know better. I like to sleep in her arms and no book is going to change my mind.

Thursday 2 August 2001 I weigh 4.13 kgs

My bad mood persists even though I slept a tiny bit better last night, I have worked out that if I don’t sleep properly during the day I really do not feel very good. Today I just feel very bad and I cry every time I am not in mum’s arms. Come to think of it I am crying even when I am in her arms. 

I think I can sense that mum is a bit edgy because today is weigh day at Dr C.

Well, I am still the skinny baby that I have always been. Granted I have hit the 4kilo mark but I am still very thin and not putting on weight fast. Dr C has suggested that we go and see a paediatric dietician and a speech therapist of all things. The dietician will give me a high calorie diet once I start to take solids and a speech therapist might be able to teach me to take a bottle.

Mummy asked Dr C about my constant waking at night and he said at my weight I should just eat whenever I am hungry and there is very little that we can do about her having to be up all night if I wont take a bottle. Mmmm maybe I will but only when I am ready.

I had a terrible evening. I screamed a lot and I sobbed and cried real tears. Mummy was also crying.  A LOT

Friday 3 August 2001
Today mummy panicked about me again. She thought that I was developing a rash so she shlepped me off to her GP. He said that it was a heat rash and that maybe I should just wear less layers. Mummy tends to stack on the layers because I have no body fat. Dr T asked about my general well being and suggested to mummy that it may be a good idea to check whether I have any absorption problems as I eat so much and don’t put on any weight. Mummy jumped at that idea and now she has to take in a sample of one of my poos for them to check for fat absorption. How utterly humiliating.

Friday night dinner at my house again and I slept through it. Gee it is strange how I sleep through those parts and then am awake the whole night when there are no visitors around.

Saturday 4 August 2001
Mummy and daddy have rings under their eyes. In fact they even have bags under their eyes all because I can’t sleep at night – I am just too hungry.

It is no use sitting around the house and moping about the tiredness so we all went off to Centennial Park this morning for breakfast and a walk. I was still in a bit of a bad mood and screamed a lot  in the car but eventually I fell asleep. After our walk we went for a long drive and I slept the whole way. Unfortunately the way back was a different story but then again you can’t expect to keep me in the car all day. When we got home mum dragged my chair outside and tried to make me sit outside for a while – she thought that the fresh air might help me sleep tonight – ha ha ha.

Another very long night tonight. Mum and dad tried to put me in their bed so that mum would not keep having to get up but I was not sure what I was meant to do in their bed. I get the eating part but I was just not crazy about the sleeping part, in fact I find it far more comfortable to sleep in my cot, albeit for short periods of time.

Sunday 5 August 2001
I went on a real outing today.  Mummy and daddy took me in the car for a drive to Darling Harbour and I had a long sleep in the car. When we got there they transferred me ever so gently to my pram so I could continue my sleep. When I woke up I found my cousins and aunts and uncle!  Cool find!  

I sat in my pram facing forwards and sitting up like a real big person. It was a huge step for mummy to take to face me outwards because I know that she likes to watch me all the time that she pushes me. I felt so much better after a long sleep and I really enjoyed my outing.

My parents went to bed sooo early tonight. They are exhausted, I don’t think that they can keep up with me. They tried to put me in their bed again but I did not want to sleep there. It was another one of those feed every two hours nights!!

Monday 6 August 2001
We went for an early morning walk today – mum is insisting that I sleep during the day and I am insisting that I will not sleep in my cot. We walked around Centennial Park and I did not sleep at all, I saved that for the shopping trip after the park – I have got to the stage where I can keep mum out all day just because she wants me to sleep.

This afternoon I sat outside while mum taught me to weed the garden and sweep. It was cool. Then sleep time again and so another walk. I am not that fussed on all these sleeps so I have taken to power napping – I sleep for a few minutes and then wham I am at it again.

My new thing is that I can really scream. I think that I have discovered my temper and boy can I use it. When I do not get my own way instantly (because I invariably get it at some stage) I scream so much that my voice goes hoarse – nice trick. My mum HATES it.

Tuesday 7 August 2001
Today we went to the Growth and Development Clinic and I impressed the socks off them!!. I had been in a particularly bad mood in the morning and mum was a bit worried that I would not show off all my skills but boy did I turn on the charm. I was only meant to have my first assessment at 4 months corrected but I went today at 3 months and 17 days corrected and I did all the things that a 4 month old would do. I smiled, I chatted, I grabbed a toy, I rolled from my tummy to my back and I chatted and chatted and chatted. I heard the developmental paediatrician saying “there is no problem with his brain” and over and over again they kept saying that my development was brilliant. Mum was blushing with pride and when she told daddy over the phone he smiled so much the phone lines almost lit up.

There was one point however which everyone keeps nagging me about – the stupid bottle. The doctor at the clinic did say that I was very underweight. She was a bit concerned until she tracked my growth on a special chart that they use for premature babies and then she said that although it is low the upward trend is consistent. The only time that my weight really did a downward turn and veered right off the charts was when I was still in hospital. She did say however that it is very hard for mummy to have to feed me every two hours and as I need to eat that often for the moment I must learn to take a bottle. We will see about that. She also suggested to mummy that I may have a lactose intolerance and that is why I make such explosive poos so often. I am going to have a test to see whether that is true or not.

All in all mummy and daddy were very happy. Mum has also decided to put me back on the Zantac as she had stopped it about a week ago and I have been very crabby so I am back on it and for the first night in ages I slept really well – 6-11, 11:30 – 3:00, 3:30 - 5:00 and then 5:45 – 6:45. It was a BRILLIANT night.