A week of airport visits

Tuesday 26 June 2001
I weigh 3.440kg

This morning mum and I went to choose photos from my modelling session. I think I should only take up full time modelling later in the day as I was a bit of a crosspatch in all of the photos. Mum still ordered quite a few but I think if you give me half a chance I could look much better.

I went to Dr C today and he is delighted with me. To be honest the only reason I think mum insists on always going back is because she has a bit of a crush on him. We go so often and yet I am so healthy. We are all really happy with the Zantac (well mainly the people who don’t have to taste the zantac are really happy) but the dose will increase slightly from 0.5 to 0.75.

All in all I got a very clean bill of health but I still like to shout in the middle of the night. Just to keep mum on her toes.

Gee I miss daddy so much. Mum’s lucky enough only 3 more sleeps for her but poor old me who sleeps 8 times a day – I have to get through 24 more sleeps. I think I will miss a few to get through the time faster.

Wednesday 27 June 2001

Mum and I had a bad day today. My pram was in for repair and my Baby Bjorn had come apart and mum could not put it together again and so we were house bound. Mum got a bit edgy towards the end of the day and she spoke to the baby shop using quite a harsh tone. Eventually at the end of the day I got a brand new fixed pram just like my old one. I was so proud of mum because I thought I should have got a new pram from the start.

After we went to pick up my new pram we had coffee with granny and we were really happy for some other familiar faces. Things get very lonely without dad.

Thursday 28 June 2001

Mum is becoming a playgroup groupie. Today we went to two playgroups. The first one was at the hospital where I was born and we went with some friends. It was great fun. There were lots of mums and babies and giant bean bags to sit on. Straight after that group we left and raced off to Joey’s house for a playgroup there. Altogether to much fun and it certainly made up for the bad day we had the day before.

In the evening/late afternoon I was quite unsettled and granny came and mummy rushed off to the chemist to try and find something for my wind – I have some huge wind issues. Granny managed to settle me real well and I think I am now getting used to other people holding me and stuff. In fact I quite liked it.

Friday 29 June 2001

Today I went with Jake for a long walk up and down Bondi Beach, I was just getting some fresh air to make myself look my very best for my first ever party out of the hospital. Granny was having all her friends over to come and see me and get a chance to indulge in my preciousness! After my walk I went over to gran’s house and unfortunately just as the party was due to start I fell fast asleep. Mum tells me that it was a really nice tea party but seen as though dad has been away all week and I have had no male influence perhaps it is best that I slept through the nattering of all those women.

Saturday 30 June 2001

Daddy came home from America and I am a happy man again. We woke up really early to go and get him from the airport. In fact it was still pitch back at 6am and very cold but well worth the trauma. Dad thinks I have matured again and I could see that he was really happy to see me again.

I spent some great rebonding time with dad today, he bought me the cutest clothes from America and I was very grateful. We went for a walk in the Baby Bjorn in the late afternoon and it was far and away the highlight of my day. We tried to lounge around a lot for the rest of the day, dad and I like to watch sport on TV, but mum kept shlepping us off to do shopping and the like.

I am really happy that daddy is home; I like it this way with both my parents at my beck and call.

Sunday 1 July 2001

What an exciting day!! Today my cousins and aunt and uncle from South Africa came to live in Australia FOREVER. After a leisurely walk with mum and dad to Coogee and breakfast at Barzura mom spent the whole day fussing about preparing for their arrival while dad and I dozed about at home. I got to go to the airport for the second time and it was just as much fun as the first although this time daddy was with us from the beginning.

I am very impressed with my cousins – they make me laugh and I am really happy that they have come to live here with us. Their arrival also meant that I got to stay out quite late, well 6pm is late when you are my age. I was sooo tired when I got home that after my bath, my massage and my dinner I just slept and slept dreaming sweetly about my dad and my cousins all in Australia!

Monday 2 July 2001

Mummy does not stop kissing and hugging me this morning, all because I slept so well last night. I fed at 12:30 and then I only rewoke at 5am. My longest sleep ever!!! That is it the cousins are all that I needed!

Today we just moseyed about with the family. We had breakfast out and even I ate at the table like everybody else, well not exactly like everybody else but kind of. I had heaps of fun playing with N and I think that I am really going to love having her as my cousin. M is still a bit shy of me but I am sure that I will charm him over my way real soon.


Don't read this if you own shares in Pentavite

Feeling much better today.  I spent far more time lounging around and smiling today.  Mum and I walked up to Randwick to take my pram in for repairs and then we walked home in the Baby Bjorn.  I love the Baby Bjorn.

In the afternoon mum’s friend Jane came round for the afternoon but I just slept.  I had made a huge pentavite vomit and that always tires me out.  Yep they still have to give me vitamins every day - silly doctor's rules.  I tell you (and excuse me if you are the manufacturer of Pentavite) but that stuff is absolutely vile.

In the night I was quite good, waking up 3 hourly but I have developed a bit of a screeching habit at night for some reason that mum can’t fathom and I am not about to give her any clues.  Got to keep some cards close to my chest.


Daddy goes to America and Mummy goes shopping AGAIN

My daddy went to America today and I had an awful day.  I missed him so much that I thought that the only way I could deal with it was to sleep and to sleep and to sleep.  So that is what I did.  Mummy hauled me all over the show so I vomited and insisted that we go home.   

I then slept and I slept and I slept.  My aunt came over and I ate (not very well) and slept some more.  Mummt then took me out AGAIN but I just slept in the Baby Bjorn and then we came home.

I really was not myself today and mum was a bit worried.  I was just having a lazy day, I know that it is unlike me cause usually I am so alert and animated but I just needed to catch up on some sleep!.  If you ask me mum was a bit silly not to take the opportunity to do the same for herself.    


The o'clocks

After a much better night’s sleep I was ready to face the world today.  Dad, mum and I went for a walk in my pram (just me in the pram, the rest walked) to Randwick.  We strolled back after a bit of breakfast and all of us had quite a lazy morning.

In the afternoon we went to visit Romy and her parents.  I had such fun playing under Romy’s gym that mummy has become quite frantic in her attempts to buy me one.  

On the way home from Romy I got attacked by a particularly nasty dose of the 5’o clocks so mummy sprang into action and I had an early bath to wash them away.  Unfortunately I then got attacked by a dose of the 6 o’clocks but not for long.  I then proceeded to have the best night that I have ever had.  I slept for hours and hours 6:00 -10:30 and then 11:30 - 3:30.  I love my snuggle bed and so do my parents.  

I am still off my food and dad says that I sleep better when my tummy is not too full.


Mum at the end of her tether

This morning I heard mum say that she is at the end of her tether.  She looks quite tired and grumpy.  I suggested that we go for an early morning stroll and that was great, I slept peacefully and beautifully but then when we got home I woke up again and really frustrated my mum with my extremely grumpy mood.  She whipped me off to Tanya for some book party and I slept in my pram most peacefully again when I got to Tanya. Would have been more peaceful if I had not heard mum crying and complaining to her friends.  Apparently she needs more than two hours of sleep at night.  Who would have thought that?

I am off my food again.  I think that the medication is wearing a bit thin on me so I am really not enjoying eating like I was before. 

Mum was so fed up with this whole cot and not sleeping thing that she went out and bought me a snuggle bed.  I think you may start to see a trend with mum - she spends a lot of money to try and get me to sleep. So one day we will be poor and awake.  Just saying


Smile for the photo - or at least get that wind face that babies are so good at

This morning mum, dad and I went to have photographs taken at a professional photo studio.  It was a bit boring and I was not on my best behaviour – cute but certainly not going to smile for anyone there.

Gabrielle came to visit this morning and I have gone a bit off her – in fact I am quite hesitant to go to anyone other than my mum.  

I had the worst night on record tonight.  This cot is revolting and I woke up feeling most uncomfortable every hour.  I also have some severe wind issues and the only way that I can demonstrate that is to scream.  Apparently it is not so good on my parents when I scream in the middle of the night but hey what else can I do?  I am really only 2 months corrected - my vocabulary is still being constructed


Too young to learn massage

This morning mum and I went for a massage class.  It was quite nice really but I don’t think mum learned anything she did not already know.  We have a massage after the bath every day and I think that mum does a mean massage!! I certainly hope I was not meant to be learning how to relax during a massage although I would prefer that to the alternative - I mean I have not yet discovered my hands I hardly think I am going to be dishing out massages.

It seems that mummy is very into walking at the moment so after the massage we shlepped off to Tanya and Jake and walked up and down Bondi Beach 3 times.  Then we walked to Georgia house and we had lunch there with her mum and some other folk.  I played quite fantastically under one of Georgia’s play gyms and got lots of approving umms and ahhs.

My parents insisted on putting me in that cot again at night and again I hated it and so had a terrible night’s sleep.  Not happy parents.  Put the cot away - your bed is just fine


A cot? No Thanks

I am eating so well that I think even Dr C will be happy with my weight gain next week. 

Today I went with Jake (and mum and Tanya) for a long walk from Rose Bay to Double Bay, it was lovely and warm in my pram and I was so comfortable and restful that I just slept the whole way there and the whole way back.  I woke up when mommy was having lunch and I had my own.  Even Tanya commented on how much I ate.

In the afternoon I went to the clinic and on their old, archaic scales with all my clothes on I weighed 3.5kg not bad at all.  Dad says that there has been a big change in me and that I am more “mature”.  Everyone has been commenting on my good looks and my very bright and alert nature.  I have also started to wave my arms and legs frantically when I am excited and this provides much amusements to adults.

Last night I slept in my cot, or should I say that last night I did not sleep much but I was often in my cot.  Now this cot thing might sound like fun to others but believe me, I did not enjoy it at all.  Dad says that I need to be at more of an angle, mum says that I need to be warmer and I just think that I’ll gladly sleep in their arms – never mind the cot. 


Granny's house

This morning I went to granny C.  I had never been to her house before what with my parents refusing to take me out in the dark and her being away in South Africa for all that time.  Well anyway I quite liked it there.  I got to lie on her mohair blanket and giggle and smile.  I even ate in her bedroom.  

We then went off to Bondi Junction (yugh) and granny pushed me while I slept and slept.

In the afternoon I was feeling a bit restless but I had a good day in all and am eating like a star. 


Good as gold

An altogether better day.  I woke up feeling much better although I can certainly say that it was not because I had a long, refreshing sleep.  

We went to a barbeque at Jake’s house and there were three other babies and their parents there.  It was great fun.  I lay on the mat with Jake and Georgia and had an really good time.  I ate in Jake’s room and then I slept a bit in the pram and a bit in mum’s arms.  

I overheard my parents saying that I was as good as gold. 

Granny came by in the evening but I was fast asleep.



I was in a shocking mood today.  I was really pissed and I did not want to cooperate with anybody.  The only time that I slept and was peaceful was when mum and dad lugged me off to the shopping centre.  How can you explain to your parents when you have cabin fever if you can’t yet speak ?  

I think that I tricked mum and dad into believing that the medicine is on longer working.  It doesn’t take much with those two, they worry at the drop of a hat.


Medicine is working......for now

They better never take this medicine away.  Another calm and wonderful day in my life. I went with mommy to Karen and Romy.  Lauren and Brad were there and I flashed a couple of winning smiles and now I have even more fans.

In the evening Granny, Dave and Jo came for dinner but I am not such an evening man so I slept right through it.


No back arching

The medicine is working and I feel like a new man.  I am much calmer, I have not arched my back all day and dare I say it I am eating like a champion.  I went to playgroup and although I still prefer to eat in the privacy and quiet of the car rather than in the sun at the café in the park I enjoyed playgroup a whole lot more than last time. 

In the evening I absolutely charmed my father, so easy really – I just lay around being mellow and eating a lot!!!  I know that mummy loves it but with dad you can positively see him beaming with pride and joy.  I did a big vomit but not even that could deter them.  

My parents were one happy unit.


On top of everything else apparently I have to have vaccinations

So far this medicine is not doing a thing for me and I don’t like the taste of it at all.  

I had a lazy day, quite unsuspecting and trusting that it would carry on like that when mummy shlepped me off to the doctor AGAIN.  This time we went to her Doctor, Dr T and I was quite relaxed as I know that he just ignores me but this time it was different.  I started to suspect something when daddy showed up from work in the middle of the afternoon for my mum’s appointment.  I convinced myself that dad was just there for mum and I went to sleep.  The next thing I know there is a needle in my thigh!!!  Yup, today I received my second round of vaccinations and I can tell you that it was not pleasant.  I had a bit more of a sleep and tried to pretend that it was all right but I was sore and I felt awful.  I could not stop crying and was in mum’s arms till 10’o clock at night.   

I cried a lot!


Acid reflux - me?

Today was mummy’s birthday.  I gave her a beautiful pair of fluffy slippers so  that her feet do not get cold when she feeds me at night and I also gave her a book to write in. 

We went to playgroup at the NCC in the afternoon and I was still the youngest baby there (and the cutest).  Sue, the physiotherapist watched me eat and she said that it looks like I am quite uncomfortable and in pain.  At last someone is listening to me.  After playgroup we went to Dr C and I had put on 125grams (apparently I am the only one who thinks that is a lot).  I now weigh 3.150.  Dr C is baffled at my failure to put on weight.  I reckon he should watch me eat (or refuse to eat) and then he’d understand.  He told mummy that maybe I have reflux and he prescribed some medicine.  Now I know fully well that Dr C is anti medication and does not believe in reflux so I think I have really stymied him.  He had to go and ask another doctor for the dosage and he could not believe that Dr C was going to give me medication, even the receptionist was shocked.  Dr C spent a long time convincing mummy that it was okay to give me Zantac and that if it did not fix the problem we would stop it immediately.  Dr C said that if it works we would be able to see a difference in 48 hours.

Mommy got my medicine for me and it tastes revolting!


It's my mum's party and I'll cry if I want to

Today was a public holiday and my mummy’s birthday party.  In the morning everyone prepared furiously for the party while I slept.  We then went to Centennial Park where the party was being held and I climbed into the Baby Bjorn on mum’s chest for the whole party long!! I love it in there.  Mummy and daddy had a lovely time and all their friends were there and mine too.

I must say that while the whole park thing is great fun it does get a bit much for me to handle really so when we got in the car to go home I began to scream and I screamed all the way home.  It took ages for me to calm down and I really did not want to sleep.  Also my mum had kept telling me that I was going to see my granny again and I kept waiting and waiting for her to arrive.  Eventually when she did I was so tired from waiting that I just screamed and shouted.  Mummy and daddy resorted to a bath and I was okay after that although I still thought that I should wake up every hour during the night just to keep the parents on their toes.  


Big person's party - big fail

Today mummy and daddy schlepped me off to some big person’s birthday party.  It did not go well.  First of all I needed to eat before we went and then I needed to eat again in the car as we got there so we were very late.  Then when we got there, mum and dad realised that they had nothing in common with anyone there at all.  It was not even like it was at this big person's house, it was at Watson’s Bay Tea Garden and mummy and daddy could not find anyone there that they did not know or that did not make them cringe.  We left very shortly after we arrived and daddy made mummy promise that we would never go back there.

In the afternoon mummy tried that going out trick again but I called her back and then we all spent the night awake together!


Come home mum

Today my auntie Ca came around and she spent the whole day with me. It was such fun.

I was not to happy though though when mum and her went out without me – very tricky of them. So, being the resourceful baby that I am, I just got dad to call mum and tell her to come straight home. Unfortunately I only have one method of communication at the moment and it is hysterical screaming. Still - it seemed to work well, mum came straight home.


Smarter than they think

Today I had heard mummy say that I was going to have my immunisations in the afternoon so as we were driving to Bondi Junction in the morning to pick up a gift I vomited a huge big dollop of milk all over myself.  I knew that mommy would never let my have my immunisations if I did that.  I also knew I would not have to lug around the shops all day!! I am smarter than they think.  

Mummy cancelled the doctor’s appointment and I made up all my lost milk by having a glorious feed in the parking lot of David Jones. 


I do not like eating out

I had a really quiet, cool morning this morning.  I did everything that a good baby is supposed to do, I ate and I slept like a champion.  Mummy then decided to lug me out to a silly mother’s group and that was the end of that.  I fussed and screamed and let her know that I like to eat at home in the privacy of my bedroom and sometimes at a stretch - hers.  

Mummy also gets so anxious when I scream when we are in public so it is a bit of a vicious cycle.  The other babies  walked around the park (well they had help from their mums and their prams) but I insisted that I go straight home.

Ooooh I love the power my screams wield. But really, I just love home


I am kosher

Mum and dad had been a little worried about the fact that I had had a surgical circumcision only, I had never been blessed by the Rabbi and I didn’t have a Hebrew name.  Yesterday mommy chatted to the Rabbi again who said that he could come to our house that night and just make a little prick (no pun intended) with a small needle, draw the teensiest amount of blood and it would all be kosher.  He would also bless me and name me and drink a L’Chaim with my parents.  Well, mummy being the big woos that she is was very dubious.  She did not think that I was brave enough to handle this whole ordeal and she was very nervous that I might cry and perform and be in heaps of pain.  She even wanted to give me Panadol before but daddy being the big brave hero said “No Panadol for no reason, if he needs it later we’ll give it to him then.”

Pops came to be with me and so did Jake and his parents.  Mommy and daddy were very nervous but I was quite happy about the whole ordeal.  When the time came for the "procedure", I lay on my change mat on the dining room table and when Rabbi  made the prick I smiled.  I never felt a thing.  In fact he did it twice because he thought that he did not draw blood the first time (he did really).  My Hebrew name is Eytan and I am the strongest, bravest, happiest little baby in Sydney


Silly billys

What a busy day.  I had a visitor from the Parent Home Support Team. Well I guess that they came to see mummy but I got all the attention.  The lady, whose name was Sally, said that I am beautiful, she was very impressed with my head control and my huge big smile.  She watched me feed and told mum that she needs to relax, my attachment is good and I suck well but mummy needs to be very calm when she feeds me.  Sally also suggested that I am too inquisitive and I look around too much when I am feeding so I need to now face a white wall.  She even went as far as to say that I had the “silly billys” and that is why I did not want to go back on to the breast  Silly billys -have you ever?.

Today I also went to see Dr C, he still thinks that I am too thin.  I now weigh 3.025kg and I am really going to send my parents round the bend with worry.  Mummy is going to continue with the medication in even bigger doses and if I have not put on more weight by next week I will have to start formula.  After their little Dr C scare mum and dad tried to give me a bottle and it took one hour for me to take 15ml so I am not quite sure how I am going to take formula.  Dr C also insists that I am overstimulated and he thinks that I should eat with a blindfold – I refuse to even try that.  The gall of the man.

Dad says that I am over my witching hours.  He says that I am such a good baby and maybe that is why people have more than one baby because you forget so easily about all the noise of the first.  Mum thinks dad is very optimistic.  Mum also says dad should come home for witching hour.  It is very easy to speak about lack of witching hour from a plush office in the city.


What a life

I had a lazy morning strolling through the shops with mum and then in the afternoon I went for tea in Centennial Park.  What a life. 

I am as good as gold when we go out during the day and all mum’s friends are envious as anything. They think mum is just talking nonsense when she complains, as she does of her sleep deprivation and screaming baby.  It is a clever ruse that I have going - just as long as they never pop round in the early evening or between midnight and 6am.   


Entertaining from a baby bjorn

I had such a hectic day today I am not sure that I will ever recover.  

Mummy and daddy had invited friends for lunch.  They brought their granny with which was just a tad weird and things got a little uncomfortable as I think it is really rude to sleep while I have guests.  I was really trying hard to stay awake and entertain them but things were getting pretty hard and then more guests came with their three children and I was so flummoxed I was not sure what to do.  

Mummy eventually put me in the Baby Bjorn and so I could sleep without feeling like I was being rude to the guests.  Pops and Natalie also came to visit and I got out my Baby Bjorn and dazzled them with one of my smiles.  Then I screamed.  A Lot 


I have taken over the diary

You know my mum was starting to whinge a lot.  She is very tired and really I think her writing had become a litany of complaints about my lack of sleep.  So I am going to help her. I am going to take over writing this diary on a daily basis to give her some time out - God knows she needs it, she has become quite the cranky pants.

Hope you stick with me as I tell you, from my very unbiased perspective, all about my days.


Today was one of those great family days that I am getting to know and love.  Daddy does not go to work and the three of us can have some time together.  Today we went for a walk to Coogee and we ate lunch at one of the Café’s, well mom and dad did and I gazed at the roof of my pram. 

I took forever to go to sleep tonight. I am not sure what was worrying me but I was in no mood to be calm.  My poor parents are trying everything in their power and I do reward them frequently with huge smiles but a baby needs to scream when he needs to scream.


A pre visit to the breastfeeding clinic

E is eating like a little star.  This morning I rushed off to see the breastfeeding clinic before my appointment on Monday - I am impatient.  The woman that I saw was absolutely great, she just kept confirming that I was doing everything right and saying what a wonderful mother I was – I liked that.  A Lot! She said that perhaps E’s tongue tie was causing some problems in that because of the positioning of the tongue he was not able to stimulate my breast correctly to keep up the production of milk.  I will still be going to the clinic on Monday where we will work on some strategies but it was good to get reassurance from the woman that we saw today that we are doing it right.  Just to cement the love that I was feeling for her, she told me that E looks amazing.

From the breastfeeding clinic we went to meet a mum and bub that we had met in the NCC.  J is quite a fatty and I was a bit jealous of his weight – 3.3kg, he is however still on theofolin so I guess I should be grateful that I have a skinny baby that can breathe by himself – not that I am comparing. But you know.   J also takes one bottle of formula a day and that really makes a huge weight difference.

In the middle of the night while E was having a very long sleep, after his best feed ever, M’s wrist began to really hurt.  He had injured it playing touch footy at work.  (I know this makes him sound much like an elite athlete and I guess that is the power of the written word, although would an elite athlete injure his wrist playing football?  I think not) At 1am I insisted that he go to emergency and have it checked out.  He is still there 8 hours later waiting for an orthopaedic surgeon to have a look at it.

E is smiling big proper smiles and he is making my heart melt.  He has the cutest smile – it is huge and lights up his whole face.


He smiles

Today E gave me a big proper smile and it made all the rest of the shit seem like nothing.  Nothing at all.  Suddenly everything is all worthwhile.  He desperately needs to give a huge winning smile to M.  

Tonight I went for a massage and I left E in a very grumbly mood with M.  When I came back M was devastated, E had screamed continuously.  His day had been pretty good although I am now petrified all the time that he is starving.  I phoned the breastfeeding clinic and I am going to have a chat with them tomorrow before the clinic on Monday.  Hopefully that will get us through the weekend.  


Music on the Lap

E had a great day.  He fed well and was well rested when we went to the Childcare Centre to a “Music on the Lap” Class.  He loved the singing and soon fell asleep n my arms.  The class was great and we will definitely be going back to that.  We met Tanya and Jake there and they came back to our house where I expressed all my extra milk after feeding E again at the Childcare Centre.  I hope the medication continues its magic.

We went for a walk around Centennial Park and E was a gem in his pram. Afterwards we had lunch at the café with some friends and again Ethan fed like a whiz.  Could it be the drugs are actually working?

The night was terrible and Ethan woke like every hour.  This is very hard work!!


He is starving

After a very bad night and a bad morning we set off for Dr C.  E had had so little sleep that he was fast asleep by the time we got there.  Dr C was kind and fantastic but firm in his view that E does not have indigestion or reflux (later in life we will prove him VERY wrong).  

When he weighed E my whole heart sank.  I started to cry.  He only weighs 2.84kgs and has not put on enough weight.  Dr C thinks that it is a supply problem.  I will go on Motilium to increase my breast milk production and also express after each feed so that E can get a bottle of expressed breast milk as well.  I will also go to a breast feeding clinic next week to check that he is attaching properly.  My poor boy has been screaming because he is starving.  He must be so frustrated when he tries to eat and there is not enough.  I feel so bad! I feel awful.  I feel like I have been abusing my child.    

I will start the medication tonight and I have already tried to feed E at every available opportunity.  At least we know what we are dealing with now we can do something about it. 

We were meant to meet some friends this afternoon but it was rainy and awful and I was really upset about E’s lack of weight gain so I cancelled.  I cried instead.


Sleeping and settling

E slept like a charm last night but I am still exhausted because although he went for 4 hour stretches he got bored at about 4am and never really slept properly after that until about 7am – not the most civilised hours to be up and about if you have not slept for 3 months.

We went to a sleep and settling course at Karitane although I am sure that E settles and sleeps quite well without it - it is just the feeding that is an absolute nightmare.  The course was okay except that I had to give E to them during the course and they tried to put him to sleep in these horrible little cots that they have.  He was not settled and very far from ever settling and they kept bringing him to me to feed.  When I left they told me that he has bad indigestion and is very nasal and therefore cannot settle.  Good news indeed.  NOT.   As I took him from them he settled and I put him in his pram and he went straight to sleep.  He just needed me.

We met some friends for lunch and E slept through the entire meal in his pram like a gem.  He woke just as we finished, took a few sips from me at the table (I am getting very brave) and then screamed as we raced home to complete the feed and get ready for our afternoon visitors that happened to cancel on us.

After his feed E settled the Karitane way and then slept for 3 hours.  During the night I tried the Karitane way (pat, pat in the cot) and he screamed every hour.  It was a very bad night!


Gripe water anyone?

We have been having a shocker. I think that all my tiredness has caught up with me and I am just exhausted.  Absolutely and utterly exhausted .  I have spoken to everyone about it and I know that it will pass and that he is just a baby and babies cry but I think I am now crying as much as he is.  My sister in South Africa suggested that I give him gripe water and I must say that against all my vows not to medicate etc I did.  He sucked the dummy furiously and I am not sure if it was the sucking or the gripe water that settled him.  Nonetheless I am not going to make it a habit and I will only use it if I can see he is really in pain and it is going to help him.

This morning we went for a walk in Centennial Park.  It was the RSPCA Million Paws walk and there were hundreds of dogs.  We went with some friends and their dog.  M carried E in the Baby Bjorn and E slept through much of the walk.  It was really a great atmosphere with all the dogs and the kind of thing that we had visualised doing with our baby. We just did not visualise doing it while half asleep ourselves.  

Afterwards we went all the way to Homebush to the Baby Expo.  We had one pit stop where we pulled over to feed E in the car.  He is much happier in the car if I sit with him in the back and so that he is always happy I will treat M as a taxi driver (except I refuse to pay him at the end).  The Expo was good and E slept through the whole thing again in his pram.  Why is it that he just wont sleep at home? 


Still no patience

This morning started out better than yesterday although when I put E in the car to go to the park he shrieked again.  He really hates it.  We went to Centennial Park where we met some friends and we managed to walk around twice with E in the pram sleeping through the entire 8kms.  Afterwards we sat on the picnic blanket and I fed E in the park.  While I thought that it was all pretty idyllic I am not sure that E agreed.

He was pretty mellow however and we managed to go shopping  and he slept through the whole ordeal.  My sister came around in the afternoon and E his witching hour which left me feeling shattered and unable to cope.  He just screamed and I am not sure what to do.  I fear that my patience is very limited.


Temper temper

After a really bad night I felt that if we did not leave the house I would go stir crazy.  We decided to go for a walk with a friend to Bondi but Ethan was an absolute nightmare.  He screamed and performed and as I write this my patience is at an all time low.  

I tried to go shopping while he was asleep in the capsule but he awoke and screamed and I had to leave the shopping in the trolley and go home.  I feel quite caged in by the fact that Ethan hates being out.  At home he is so much better behaved although he does scream at times and even though I hate myself for saying this he seems to be shouting and screaming not for any reason in particular but rather just because he is in a bad mood.  And boy does he seem to have one really bad temper.  When he is not screaming he is so adorable and seems to have such a lovely temperament and disposition but he can get upset so very quickly and it sometimes seems impossible to console him. 

On the positive side (I am looking hard for that today) he is having great fun with his new wedge which he lies on on his tummy and his head control seems to be improving.  He is also reacting well to and enjoying musical distraction when he has his nappy changed.  


Caged in

E had a bad day compared to yesterday.  He was not in a playful mood and got easily distressed.  The only thing we did all day was to go up to the shops in the baby Bjorn.  He loves that activity but I must say that it is quite limiting for me never to be able to do anything for fear of E hating it.


On a mothering high

After such a terrible day yesterday I can hardly believe the change in E today.  I would say that today has been our best day ever.  E has been happy and playful, he has eaten well and slept considerably well (still not the required 3 hours between feeds but he is much more settled).

We had only one outing today to the shops in the car and then around and about in the Baby Bjorn.  He is still unhappy in the car seat and screams when he is awake in it but I guess that I am learning to live with it better.

We have adhered strictly to the one hour up two hour down rule today insofar as after 1 hour of feeding/play I have put E straight down and I think it is working well for him.  Now he just needs to learn to sleep for longer stretches. He is becoming much more responsive in his play and really can take quite a few minutes of stimulation.  I have also started to do some massage on him and he loves that although not for too long at a time. 

I have really enjoyed every second of my day with E today.  It is only 5:30 and I may eat my words but he is just delightful and gorgeous.  So many times today he has made me laugh out loud with happiness.  I am on a mothering high!!!  


A cold. My poor baby has a cold

E has a cold!!  The poor little man is absolutely miserable.  His nose is runny and his eyes are watering.  He is in a terrible mood and I am not sure if he has a sore throat or a headache or maybe he is just feeling like absolute crap.  He will not settle and we have tried everything.  He is hardly eating either although I am feeding him every hour or so.  

I have spent much of today sobbing


Some tricks never work twice

After a relatively good night I left E with M this morning and went to do a few things (like have an ultrasound and shop - exciting stuff huh?).  I really felt lost without E and did not enjoy my morning at all.  M had said that I should not phone in case the phone woke E and besides I think I needed to just let them have some time together.

When I got home M told me that E had screamed blue murder for about an hour and he had hardly eaten.  However there he was lying and sleeping peacefully in his cot.  He had such a good afternoon, he just slept a fortune and ate occasionally.

Ian came to visit and E took this opportunity to wake up and scream.  He became quite hysterical so I did the old bath trick.  Somehow my tricks never seem to work twice in a row.

E had a really bad night.  He woke every one and a half hours and his nose was really stuffy.



At 4am this morning E was screaming in anger.  I feel like I could just pop off right here and now.  I am exhausted and so is M.  So is E but he does not seem to want to sleep to rectify the situation.  He is no longer having his good morning sleep so this morning we went with my brother-in-law to M’s office to pick up his laptop.  It took about 10 minutes to settle E in his car seat and lot of prayer to get him to the office without screaming.  As we got there he started to yell and I could not console him.  It was just awful.  One of the girls at M's office was holding him and I almost pulled him out of her arms and took him to M’s office to feed him AGAIN.  It worked a charm, the poor boy was probably starving.  He was quiet and settled and got all the admiration he is due (everyone is amazed at how his face looks exactly like M’s). 

I drove into the city to get some immigration stuff for my brother-in-law and E was as good as gold just sleeping in his seat in the back.  It is uncanny how he knows when we get home.  Good uncanny that he did not cry all the way but very, very bad uncanny that reserved it for the minute we parked at home.  He was just impossible.  I fed him and then stuffed him into the Baby Bjorn where he fussed and performed until he fell asleep.  He has had the worst 24 hours on record.  He is in a foul mood.  I have phoned Karitane to book for a “sleeping and settling” course.

I was dreading the 4:30pm feed as he is usually his worst at around this time and I had such a headache from not sleeping and listening to him cry all the time.  I decided that I would bath him after the feed and that would relax him, also I decided to feed him lying down as I had such a bad headache that I thought I needed all the rest I could.  Well as I write – and hold thumbs at the same time – it seems to have worked.  He fed quite well and then I ran the bath for us.  He was in a much better mood even before the bath and then when we got into the bath he was just so relaxed that I fed him some more in the bath in the warm water in a very relaxed environment.  It was fantastic.  He screamed blue murder after the bath but as soon as he was dressed I sat with him on the rocking chair and covered him with a warm blanket.  I sat with him until he fell asleep and he is now sleeping peacefully in his cot – the first time in over 24 hours so maybe the nightmare 24 hours has passed. Nup, he just screamed.


When the shopping centre becomes your pacifier

Today we went with Tanya and Jake to listen to Dr C’s talk on newborn babies.  It was really interesting but E thought there were bits that Dr C just did not get - so he gave those bits a voice of his own.  Even though he had eaten an hour before I just let him eat again in a successful attempt to silence him (after all he was showing up the paediatrician).  It worked at the time but I think that it may have stuffed him up for the rest of the day.

After the talk we went with Tanya and Jake and met a friend of theirs for lunch.  Straight after lunch E began to cry and we had to race him in order to feed as there was nowhere on the centre we were at for him to eat.  (Yup I am one of those uncomfortable public breast feeders maybe given the fact that I feel I am soooo bad at it) He cried the whole way home (we walked and he was in his Baby Bjorn) and I just knew that he would be impossible to feed once we got home.  Needless to say I was right.  Tanya came home with us and ommented on E’s temper!! Please God that settles down as he grows up. He was very unsettled and at really badly.  I was rather edgy so when he was finished and Tanya had left we went to Eastgardens again in the hope that seen as though he loved walking about in his Baby Bjorn the day before he might like it today.  He was really quiet at the shops and we bumped into Annette and Jacob from NCC and that was really nice.  You know that your life has reached a new level when you use Eastgardens as a pacifier.

When we got home E fed, settled and then woke permanently it seemed.  He was really in a bad mood and actually seemed to be screaming in fury.  H would open his mouth and shout rather than actually crying.  He was absolutely revolting the entire night.  I decided to try and let him sleep in my bed and feed him in my bed all night as suggested by Dr C in his talk.  It did not work at all and for some reason he woke every one and a half hours. Needless to say I have had no sleep. 


Our first parent's room encounter

This morning we went to a talk at the Early Childhood centre on development and play in babies from birth to 6 months.  E fed during the talk and was as good as gold.  We met Tanya and Jake there and we decided to venture off to Eastgardens together. 

E screamed a bit on the way there but when we arrived I put him in his baby Bjorn and we walked around the centre very happily.  E was so calm and happy in the pouch and he slept most of the afternoon.  We had our first experience of feeding in a parents room at a shopping centre and it was not too awful.  It was great to spend time with Tanya and Jake and really good to see that E is not far off his corrected age in terms of size and in every other way he seems to be behaving exactly like a 3 week old baby should (even if it is three months after he was born).  I really enjoyed walking around with E in the pouch – I felt really close to him and proud to be walking around with this baby “attached” to me.

We are still having problems with some of the feeds.  This evening E was impossible and I really began to think that there was something wrong.  He cries so badly and really gets upset.  I would think that he has reflux or something but then some feeds he is so settled and I am sure that if he had a real medical problem it would not come and go.

He has grown out of all his 00000 and premature clothes.  He is looking absolutely gorgeous and his growth is really visible to us.  He has more hair and the cutest most expressive big eyes.  


Playgroup at the NCC

Another day of heavy rain.  We braved the elements to go to our first playgroup at the Newborn Care Centre .  Everyone in the ward was really happy to see E and all commented on his good size and exceptionally cute looks.  The playgroup was a bit dismal at first, all the other babies were much older than E but soon Nicola and Matthew arrived and that made things a bit friendlier.

The physiotherapist checked E out and was duly impressed.  She said that at his age he should not be playing too much (I checked whether we were over or under stimulating him), she said that he was very alert and made good eye contact.  I was very happy with all of that!!!  He is a little star!!

Ok so maybe not so much a star  - he had an abysmal night and was up every hour or so. 


Baby sling settles him for, oh about 3 minutes

E is sitting on my chest in his Baby Bjorn baby carrier.  He seems very happy to be there and I see no reason to take him out.  I see a real boring day ahead – it is pouring with rain and very cold outside.  I bet E is secretly happy that I am not going to be dragging him out anywhere today.   

Later: Well he did not last long in the Baby Bjorn and so it was back into my arms until he was solidly asleep.  After a really long morning he was finally asleep in his cot for a long sleep.  Kim came past in the afternoon and E was on his very best behaviour.  He ate like a gem and then he gurgled and cooed and lay on the blanket on the floor with Kim's daughter like an angel.  He was really in a playful mood and even after Kim left he lay on the bed with me and just played by himself.  I put him down to sleep when I thought he had had enough but he never really slept.  He had a niggly 5pm feed and then was as ratty as all hell.  He really tries the patience when he gets like that.  I carry him around and I swing him in my arms quite hard.  Sometimes when I swing him real hard he shuts up instantly and then I panic that I have jolted him into submission.  He is so precious but when he cries and screams I do not know what to do with him.  I sing, I rock him, I walk him, I pat him, I give him his dummy and mostly I pray!!

The Baby Bjorn settling was short lived as E will not go into it now or at least he will but then he screams blue murder.  He just wants to sleep in my arms and I am not complaining although it does make it difficult to get anything done.  


More talk of sleep

E has no concept of sleeping in.  He woke up at 6am very angry.  He did not want to be lying down – he wanted to sit up, problem being that I didn’t.  Eventually after a bit of a play and a chat with his parents, he fell asleep and woke up at 8:30.  Now that is some serious fantastic behaviour.

After his “lunch-time” feed we lay E down on his playmat and he gurgled and cooed appreciatively.  He was really wide awake and seemed happy to have the opportunity to play.  When he lies around like that I can forget all the sleepless nights and all the feeding traumas.  He is just so perfect and I can’t believe he is our baby – it has been a long time coming but worth every minute.  

This morning there was a program on TV and there was a child, nothing like E, who was born at 26 weeks and it made me think all over again about those terrible days in the beginning.  Every time I look at E’s photograph album I also think about it and it makes me cry both with joy that he is so well now and with relief.  I also feel such immense sadness for what he had to go through to get here.  I just want him to be happy and to be grateful that he made such a fight to keep on living. 

After his 7pm feed we gave him a warm bath and put him to bed.  It seems like we are going to go through a cycle of one good night and one bad night.  I am quite happy that I am faced with the good one for tonight.  Yeah right.   He was a bit of a terror from 2am onwards.  It was not that he did not feed or that he was particularly impossible but he just could not settle and seemed unable to fall asleep.  I do get really tired sitting up with him and trying to keep him calm and happy but from all that I read and hear of my friends babies I think that we have got a gold star!!!  He does scream and he does certainly perform and require a lot of attention but he does not cry consistently all the time and most of the time, even if it takes a little effort, we can make him happy. 

I ended up walking around with Ethan in the baby pouch at 5:30 am and he loved that.  Pity he realised as soon as I tried to lie down.  I put him in his cot to look at his fancy new mobile and he seemed to enjoy that too.  He gurgled and followed the movement of the mobile for a while - like maybe 6 whole seconds.  


To play or not to play

E woke early and grumpy, if you can call it waking at all after such a fitful night of crying.  He settled after his 9am feed for his long sleep.  We were going out for lunch so while E slept M mounted military like manoeuvres to get everything ready and the car packed so that we could move the sleeping man into the car and get to Narrabeen without E noticing.  It didn't work.  As soon as we tried to put him in the car seat he woke up screaming.

E was like a gold star at the H’s house.  He slept quietly while everyone fussed around him.  He stayed in his car seat and was sleepily oblivious to his surroundings.  During lunch, given it was his “allocated feeding time”, he woke up and lay in my arms while I finished.  He slept lazily like this for about half an hour and I am sure that anyone who heard me say that he can be a monster at night or during feeds must have thought I was a liar.  After lunch I fed him and he ate well. He did the compulsory scream during nappy change but then had a big sleep in M’s arms and all in all was the best behaved baby at party.  I am seriously considering moving to Narrabeen.

The other babies spent a lot more awake time than E so on the way home M and I decided that E needs more time to play. No, we are not competitive and we are not neurotic and neither are we sheep.  I think. I know that this is completely counter to what Dr Con says but now we are worried that the child is not being stimulated enough – oh the joy that is the roller coaster ride of parenthood.  We just think that his life is so much eat, sleep, eat, sleep that maybe sometimes he cries because he is bored.  It is not that he does not spend any other time awake it just seems like we are constantly trying to get him to go to sleep rather than just actively playing with him after a feed.  That will be corrected tomorrow! We have decided that while he can play during the day night time is strictly reserved for eating and SLEEPING.

We drove home in the pouring rain and when we got home fed E and put him to bed  with much fuss.  After dinner I decided to go to sleep because I was exhausted and this is E’s best sleep time.  When he woke me at 10pm we had a terrible feed.  It seems that every feed time is a bit of a mission.  He gets really angry and he seems to go red in the face and really screams, the next thing he farts or burps and I am sure that he is in pain when passing wind.  I wish that there was something that I could do for him.  I am sure that Dr C would put it down to “over-stimulation” but I can tell by his down turned, pouting lip, by his scream and his general demeanour that he is not just putting it on – he seriously gets sore.  It does not last long though and mostly he settles down well after his feed. I must admit though that some of these feeds are really quite trying and frustrating.

Just to make me feel really bad at myself for complaining about his behaviour E was like a gem.  He ate 3 hourly almost to the minute and at 4am he was the cutest, gurgly baby that I have ever seen, he was most definitely in a good mood.  He did not even fuss when I changed his nappy!!! I love him to bits and pieces.


Motherhood is humbling me

After a really good night (waking every 3 hours, eating and going back to sleep), E had a good settled morning. Karen came to visit and E slept in my arms and then when I put him down in his pram he just stayed asleep. I was pretty shocked and excited

In the afternoon Ethan woke for his feed and I decided it was time to go to the shops, for a walk etc. As we started up the stairs he started to cry. He was really pretty miserable and instead of turning around and going back home, I persevered. Yup, I thought I was very smart.  I thought maybe he was just tired and the motion of the pram would lull him to sleep. Before long I found myself on the main road with my tiny baby asleep in my arms and there I was pushing an empty pram through the streets of Randwick. Oh motherhood how you have humbled me.

We went to the baby shop  which we just love because there are lots of people who know and have babies in the shop and they all shower E with praise. The store manager who I have developed quite a friendship with just loves him and takes any opportunity to tell people that he is a “miracle baby” and how well he has done etc. It makes me so proud!!!

After his usual 5-6pm hysteria E settled down for what is always his longest sleep. He manages to usually sleep from about 7 to 11 which is pretty darn amazing. He woke at about 2am and although he was pretty good and ate quite well I just knew something was not quite 100%. I had a feeling sleep was not on the cards for the night. Call it mother’s intuition but I was right. At 3am M settled him and he slept a bit but was up and screaming before long. All in all another long exhausting night. Obviously this is something that we will have to deal with from time to time.