I love my mother's bed. That is all

Wednesday 19 September 2001 
After another shocking night’s sleep I was actually not expecting to feel much better today and so I was not at all surprised that I felt whingey and uncomfortable at day. Mum had so many visitors drop in and I was just so tired.  I had a nap in the morning and when I woke up everyone said how good I was but mum and I knew that I was not myself.


I was just a bit fussy so eventually she hauled me off to our GP for another opinion and just to make sure that everything was allright. Dr T examined me and said that I definitely had a low grade infection or virus of some type and that my throat was very red. He told mom to give me Panadol for the pain and to keep an eye on me and if I had not settled by tomorrow to take me back. He also asked us for a urine sample. Do these doctors not realise how difficult it is to get a urine sample from me?

My poor parents are rather distressed about my illness so they are being extra especially kind to me. When I came home from the doctor I fell asleep in mum’s arms and she let me just lie there. Usually when I fall asleep around 5 mum makes me stay up till after my dinner and bath so that I can go to bed at 6pm but tonight I just lay with mum on the couch till about 6pm. After I bathed and had my massage and was looking much better, not so pale and not so clammy I went to sleep. 


Mum was convinced that I would have a nice long sleep but lo and behold an hour and a half later I was up (this hour and a half thing is a pattern that I am quite fond of). Daddy told mum that he is sure that I want to drink all night because it makes my throat feel better, mum wanted me to sleep in her bed so that she did not have to get up all night so the upshot of all of this was that I got to sleep in my parents bed all night and I loved it.

It was the best sleep that I have ever had and mum was horizontal for the longest time since I have been born because she did not keep having to get up all night. A win-win situation all round although mummy is petrified that she is making a rod for her own back. I drank whenever I wanted, I lay in bed feeling very comfortable and secure that my parents were right there and all in all it was great, I did drink so much that I wet my clothes and my wrap and at 2am mummy had to change me but I was so relaxed and happy in their bed that afterwards I just put myself straight back to sleep. I hope that they are not just letting me sleep there because I am not feeling well.

Doctor C still thinks breast is NOT best for me

Tuesday 18 September 2001 
Well my temperature is right down but I am still not feeling my best so mum dragged me off to Dr C this morning. He looked in my throat and ears and listened to my chest. He said that my throat was a little red but nothing major. He said that I should continue to take the Panadol if I have any temperature and if anything changes for the worse mum should take me straight to Accident and Emergency at the Children’s Hospital. He and mum had a big chat about my growth and Dr C put mummy in a very bad mood. I think she was feeling guilty about the fact that she has not forced that bottle on me because Dr C has said that I am small because I am not getting enough nutrition. 

He also mentioned, when he made me cry by looking in my throat and ears, that I had blocked tear ducts and quite frankly I think mom has had enough of hearing “bad” things about me. Anyway we have chosen to ignore the blocked tear duct scenario for now. Dr C said that we should do a urine sample (well actually that I should do a urine sample) and just check that there is no urinary tract infection. 

My mother is beside herself with exhaustion and worry and so is my father.  I am continuing to refuse to sleep.

I get a fever

Monday 17 September 2001

Well all my bad behaviour over the last few days finally came to light today. All day long I tried to be as patient as possible with mummy as she prepared dinner for first night Rosh Hashanah. I was tired and ratty but I did not want to sleep at all. Eventually she took me for a walk but I just lay in the pram. Mum commented on the fact that I looked very pale and my eyes were quite red around the rims.

When mummy put me to bed in the evening I was very reluctant to sleep. I did not cry but I could not get comfortable and I could not fall asleep. Mum thought that I was acting up because she may have been a little stressed that there were 11 people coming for dinner. After lots and lots of cuddles I eventually fell asleep for a short while. When I woke, before the guests had even started dinner, mummy thought that I felt very warm, she changed my pyjamas for summer ones and called my uncle upstairs for his expert medical opinion. He concurred that I was warm but suggested we wait an hour before giving me any Panadol. I wanted that Panadol badly so in the hour that they were waiting I brewed up quite a temperature so that when I woke again and they took my temperature it was 38.3. I certainly got my Panadol then. Mum and dad were quit anxious but my uncle just said to give me Panadol 4 hourly and if that does not bring my temperature down I should go straight to the Children’s Hospital. My temperature went down but I did not feel well. I was just very listless, not angry, not grumpy just a bit mellow and happy to lie in mum’s arms but not sleep.

Stop with the bananas

Sunday 16 September 2001
I am in a better mood today although I am vehemently opposed to the idea of a morning nap.

Today we went shopping again!!  My parents are determined to spend as much of the weekend shopping as they can. Mum claims it is the Rosh Hashanah dinner but I am not so sure (Rosh HaShana is the Jewish New year which involves celebrating by eating a lot - I forsee that it will not be my favourite festival) 

We had lunch at my aunt and that was fun, she has a lovely outdoor area where I love to it in my pram and chat to the trees. I was very tired after a while, I had a tiny sleep and then became so hysterical that we had to leave. We were all very tired.

I had my favourite dinner tonight but paid heavily for it during the night. I munched away on a banana quite oblivious to any ill effects that it may have had but at 1am my tummy was as tight as a knot and hard as a rock. I screamed and screamed and sobbed. Mummy and daddy were pretty close to sobbing as well. Eventually mummy massaged my tummy and I felt a bit better and was able to go to sleep. Mum is thinking of banning all solids for a week to see if my sleep improves. I am sure that she is nutty.

Thrilled with my capacity to kick

Saturday 15 September 2001 
My mood continues to be bad and I am really tired. I am not sure if all the lack of sleep at night is just catching up with me and I am feeling quite drained during the day. Whatever it is I am sure keeping mom and dad on the hop with worry. Mum is insistent that I should go to the doctor because I am not quite myself.

I slept much of the day and was only really happy when we were at home and playing. In the car, at the shops and out and about in general I was an absolute misery. When we got home and mum and I played together with my toys she was embarrassed at the idea that she could have taken me to the doctor because I was in such fine form.

I have got a new seat for the bath and we all love it. Mum loves it because it takes all the strain off her back because I can sit in the bath by myself, I love it because I can kick and splash in the bath like a big boy and dad loves it because I am as cute as a button in that chair. Baths are no longer the boring, relaxing things they used to be – now I play in the bath and am thrilled with my own capacity to kick.

I had a bit of a screaming episode in the middle of the night – nothing quite like it to check the parents devotion.

I want to go on camp

Friday 14 September 2001 
Another cranky day. Could this mean teeth are coming? I am biting everything I can get my hands on and I am really irritable. Mummy and daddy both think that they can see a white spot on my gums but I will be honest I am not to game to let them examine it.

Today my cousin came back from camp and I can tell you that you could almost feel the relief in the air. Mummy said that I am never allowed to go on camp because she was so worried about N and plus she saw what my aunt went through for five days without her little girl. We’ll see about that one. Quite honestly the idea of camp sounds very appealing to me at this stage. We had a party for N when she came home and there were balloons and streamers and cookies and chips and cold drink and I slept through the whole thing. What a waste.

When I got back home I just cried and moaned and whinged – the only thing that consoles me is breastfeeding. My aunt bought me some teething gel and I did seem a bit happier after that but mum says that it is a bit too medicated and she is loathe to give it to me again. No wonder I want to go on camp – all I want is some relief for my gums.

How do you break a habit?

Thursday 13 September 2001 

I have been really tired and cranky today, I am not sure if it has anything to do with my new habit of staying awake between around 3 and 4am every morning or if it is just a bad day.

This morning we went for a walk and we were meant to go to the hospital playgroup but I fell asleep and mummy was not keen to wake me up because I have been so moody.

We went to visit friends in the afternoon but I was still cranky and so very tired. I am not sure what has come over me but I certainly was not on my best form, although they still found me amazingly charming.

My night was not bad at all until about 2am and then I did my usual every hour and then awake for an hour from 3-4am. No wonder I am tired during the day. The problem is how do you break this habit? I am too tired to stay awake during the day and if mom tries to keep me awake I just scream blue murder.