Exhausted. Absolutely Exhausted

It seems that I have a while to go before I can settle as easily as my young man.

Today E did another big vomit through his nose and mouth. He settled quicker than yesterday but still every little bit of distress makes me nervous at the moment. I just don’t want him to feel lonely or abandoned or in pain or upset, it feels so unnatural not to cuddle him or comfort him physically when he cries.

He also had his long line out today. A long is a special long lasting IV line that goes through a vein directly to the heart. It is the line which provided his Total Parent Nutrition (TPN). He no longer needs the TPN because he is on full feeds at 15ml every two hours.

M got another long “skin to skin” today. It is amazing how his voice soothes E. The nurse on duty said that we should be aware of this and use it to soothe E when he gets home. I think it may have been a very nice way of her telling us that M's voice is boring.

I was exhausted tonight and could not express much milk at all so I decided to go to the hospital in the middle of the night to see E and use the electric pump. I did not manage to express a thing and then came out to find that he had vomited again and he was just lying there in the vomit. He also looked very pale and I was distraught. His feet felt cold and he was uncovered and listless. The nurse on duty and I did not hit it off. I was furious that he was lying in his own vomit and I think she was furious that I was there after midnight telling her how to do her job. We changed him and I got to hold him while we changed his linen.
He soon settled but I felt like a zombie – no milk, no sleep and way too much stress. Even the fact that someone else was going to clean the linen didn't cheer me up. The doctor said that they monitor the babies carefully for 24 hours after the long line is removed as often there are “bugs” on the line and the baby may need to work hard to fight the bugs.
I am desperately worried about my listless baby and I am nauseous with exhaustion.


  1. Poor E. Good thing you came back.

    Feck that nurse!

  2. That nurse should have had more bloody empathy. You had every right to be there with E...luckily I had wonderful nurses who told me I could come up any time I wanted. They got used to my 5:30am phone calls...as soon as I woke up, my mind was filled with Sophia...

  3. Getting a little choked up after reading that post, poor little man. No, no really, it's just something in my eye.....*sniffle*