Softer, Flatter Stomach

Today I arrived to find that E had canulas in both his arms and so armboards on both his arms. Although this has no effect on his health at all, one provides his TPN while the other provides his antibiotics, it upset me so much to see him like this again.

He is getting better according to all the staff but M and I can see that he is definitely less alert and looks quite pale. He is very hungry though which I guess is a good sign. I keep reading articles about the stresses on babies in care and I worry so much about him. He does get so stressed when we unwrap him or when we change him. Lately he even stresses when we hold him. I just love him so much and I want him to feel well loved and secure. I don’t want him to feel scared and stressed.

On weekends when M can sit here with all of us it is so much easier. M makes me laugh and we talk next to E's bed like "normal parents. I am sure that E can feel the positive vibrations. Hopefully he can feel our love for him and some relief from the stress of being born to the world when you are just not ready to face it. M and I have certainly faced some stress during the last couple of weeks and it is not as if we have not had a few angry and emotional words thrown between the two of us but when we are next to E.... well sometimes for ages on end we can behave like adults for him. God - he is a good influence.

The surgeon came to see him again and is really happy with his tummy. It is much flatter and is nice and soft. His blood cultures have come back and there is no sign of bacterial infection.

He continues on the antibiotics and TPN.


  1. Must have been really tough on you and your hubs to remain positive all the time. E is very lucky indeed to have you as his parents!

  2. I HATED the mornings that you would come in to find something different...something worse. Just as you had yourself prepared to face the day, another curve ball would be thrown...